Matilda and Aud, The emails I've been receiving these past several days have two themes--my poor treatment of her, and how I've tried to steal from her from the separation agreement in 04. She apparently wasn't comfortable with the agreement, or is disappointed with the one she made at the time.
I think she continues to harbor resentment about the past, and it plays too much of a role in the present. I also think the lack of intimacy is too much for her to bear.
A recent email stated that her seeking kindness and appreciation elsewhere is to be expected, given my failure to provide these.
I think we need Ghostbusting, as we're being haunted by the past. I don't believe she's being objective about me or our situation.
My strategy will continue to be to promote goodwill in my actions, cultivate compassionate thoughts and feelings instead of resentment, be grateful for the joys I have in my life, and be open to a difficult situation by refraining from judgment about her.
I've invited her to my session on 2/13, in the spirit of doing something different. We need to break the pattern of her reactivity and my pulling away because of her verbal disrespect.
I think in some way she's trying to communicate pain and wants to be heard by and comforted by me. She wants closeness but is too guarded to ask for it, and is not getting what she wants with her approach.
We possibly have two guarded people miscommunicating.
I will respect her space, and connect with her to the extent she's willing. I think too much distance from her is perceived as more rejection. I think I have to be willing to listen and connect, and set boundaries even with the sleeping elsewhere happening, to move us forward.
I'm going to continue to sleep in the guest room for now.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
