I hope you realize that even though you fessed up to there being no OM, that does not mean you shouldn't go about town looking HOT HOT HOT, and creating a great life for yourself... busy with friends. And also, that it's OKAY to talk to other men.
When my H had filed for D and was determined to leave the marriage I let him know I didn't plan to seriously date, or get involved with anyone (I felt that if I'm still legally married, not only is this showing disrespect to the concept of marriage, but any new potential relationships as well. I'm a big believer in dumping baggage and being mentally and available to a relationship... not building a new foundation on weaknesses, but rather using strength to build it... hope that makes sense).
Anywho.... having a busy life (even if I was just dressing up to hang out at the bookstore!), and "trying out" the persona of a "hottie flirt" (of course I'd never give encourage anyone beyond conversation, and I'd only be out on an errand or with groups of female friends) allowed my husband to experience the feeling of losing a beautiful, outgoing, and sexy wife (not the boring soccer mom he had been used to!).
This helped me realize I was attractive to others, would be able to meet people and eventually, possibly, date again if the divorce went through. It also helped me rebuild some self-esteem after OW. I felt I was able to do without needing to pretend, or lie, or do something that would make me feel morally uncomfortable.
For example when talking with my husband (while wearing more attractive clothes then the typical soccer mom, perfect makeup... hee hee!!!), I'd insist that I didn't plan to date anyone for at least a year after the divorce... if at all!!!... but gosh.... I never realized I was so attractive and there certainly are a lot of nice, lonely guys out there.... hummmm
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
