I'm saying there has been almost no movement in your life, and what movement that has happened, was not initiated by you. You sometimes react, but you do not act. You have been told to GAL > 100 times, but you have not. This is NOT NEW.
I agree with you, I've been stuck most of the time with one exception. Right after W left the house I felt more empowered, and I got more work done and made a bunch of money. I was moving forward. W seemed to be moving in a negative direction and as one of my friends pointed out, when she didn't come 'running back' because I was being successful it wore me down. I think subconsciously I couldn't believe she would stay with OM when she could have ME.
That was the time when I was almost breaking out of the cycle. But I ended up falling back into it again.
Now that W is living in the house I've spent the first few days trying to 'understand' her actions. After yesterday I've given that up. I only need to know that she's here for the girls and that helps them, which helps me.
Yesterday was a hugely productive work day for me. This morning a client who was stressing out called me all happy because I finished their stuff. I felt good about that.
That's the way it was when W first left. I got things done and felt good about myself.
Something Ford told me was that when his W first left and was out having her affairs, the hardest thing was being home alone with the kids. She came back to live in the house for a while and he said it was much easier to detach then because he could see that he didn't like who she had become.
I think I am feeling that way now. I don't like who she has become because of her distorted MORAL choices.
But that doesn't matter. What matters is my life. Tonight is 'Recovery Night' at Calvary Church and I'm going there to meet new people.
I'm working well today and productive. I'm in a good mood and will stay that way.
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[b] That's what I'm saying. Not about your wife or your business or your childhood...but why you choose to engage in the same thought process, and behavioral pattern, or revert to it every time, and yet appear to expect something different? I can't tell if it's pretense, tactical, attention seeking, a form of masochism, or what? I'm baffled. Don't you want to be happy Frankd, even if it means making brave choices all on your own?
Yes, I do want to be happy. I have been such a freaking Wuss.
I think my counselor would say it's a form of Codependence. We talked about that last meeting.
I'm committed to breaking it. I started yesterday.
