The Boy Scouts motto rings true in the world of DB: "Always be prepared."
OK, so I'll help you be prepared.
This is what she is going to do:
She is going to confess, to something LESS than what the truth is. She's feeling guilty, and she's going to either cop to some kind of fuzzy, passive-voiced, morally-equivalent "mistakes were made -- by BOTH of us" b.s., or -- more likely -- she's going to admit to ONE LEVEL LESS than what the true nature of her relationship is with this other man.
Very few wayward spouses continue to deny that ANYTHING is going on, for any length of time. It's too hard to cover up, and the guilt does eat at them. Rather, you'll find that:
I'm thinking I'll tell her that as long as she has any contact with this guy that she and I have nothing to talk about. I want to tell her that I'm not perfect either, that people make mistakes, and that I can and will forgive her. But only if she cuts off all contact and ends the affair.
DO NOT WAVER ON THIS. Say the same damned thing 5x if you have to (and you likely will, if not in this convo, but in the weeks and months ahead).
Go ahead and meet with her, in a day or so. Just don't be at her beckon call. When you do meet, just LISTEN. DO NOT START -- let her go first. ASK nothing, EXPECT nothing.
Depending on what she says, THANK her for telling you. Hopefully, you can say "thank you for telling me the truth," but if you have to, don't be afraid to say "Thank you for telling me. It makes me really sad, but the truth is that I feel like I can't trust you right now. I'd like to believe you, but you've damaged my trust, and it's going to take awhile to get it back. I'm willing to work with you on that, if you are willing to end all contact with him and come back and fully work on our marriage."
