S, You believe nothing they say and only 50% of what they do. Actions always speak louder than words.
Yes, when he's angry, he's going to bring up things he's done for you. Why? Because he has felt unappreciated. He feels he has done things over and over again and now he wants to be recognized for those things he's done. He feels he's done for everyone else and now it's his time. If he raises issues from the past, just say "h, I've always appreciated what you've done for me and I'm very sorry you feel the way you do." Don't get into an argument w/him or try to defend yourself. You are dealing with an emotionally challenged person right now and he's not thinking clearly or rationally and will not see your way of thinking on this.
Why do you feel your h owes you everything? Maybe this is why he's tossing out the past reminders because he has felt unappreciated and he could never do enough to please you or hsi parents. I don't know what he's thinking, but if you are playing this particular card with him, it could be the one that's going to keep him away for a while. You've got to change your way of thinking if you want a chance at saving your marriage. Just remember, some will return, others will not. There's no way of knowing which ones will.
The only way to deal w/him right now is to treat him like a neighbor...he's not your husband even if he looks like the one that lived w/you. He's already separated himself emotionally from you prior to walking out. You need to make your place a safe haven, whereby he'll want to come over and eventually see changes in you.
Now is the time for you to think about what you want to do. Are there things about you that you would like to change/improve? Keep in mind, the changes have to become permanent and cannot be a temporary fix just to get him home. He will know if you are sincere or not.
Again, read the MLC Resources Threads and the Archives...your answers are there. You are not alone in traveling this path. We all have been right where you are and we have had to learn the hard way the lessons on how to deal w/them when they are in crisis. It's not easy, but you can learn the lessons too.
