Oh, I thought that the status of their R was that they were separated and planning the steps to D. I didn't realize that had changed.
OT,
I am surprised by now that you did not know I am one screwed up individual. Two years ago when I stared here I swore I would not be here two years from then.. Here I am. I WAS ready to throw in the towel. I was kind of looking forward to move on. It felt so right to give W my ring back. But something happened. Maybe it was the fact that I did finely "detach". Maybe it was the last conversation we had about our marriage that I said some mean things that have been boiling inside me for so long that I had to get out.(I feel bad now having said those things). My wife in these last two years has evolved from my enemy to a woman that was like the "bubble boy" she had this force field around her. And the pressure built up even more when I asked for the separation. That was a strange week. I felt relief that I was moving on but W's bubble just got thicker. Then during the last conversation I heard her say to me. "I Love you, but not intimately". This was the first time in two years that she said the words "I love you" before it was always.. "I don't have those feeling for you anymore" Or the "I love the OM". Even though my words were hurtful during that conversation I think she finely heard me also. She said she did not want a divorce. We last agreed to just continue on the path we are on and see where it takes us. I agreed but insisted that she moves out of son's room. She also agreed to this.(This is supposed to happen this weekend). But like you have been telling me all along to "give her space" since I have she is opening up. She actually called me at her lunch break on her first day of work. She is smiling again. Weird thing last night before bed she said.” I need to go wash my face" Meaning she needed to go remove her makeup before bed. I had not realized that I have also not heard those words in a long time. AND now I am dying to put my ring back on. I know it is in her jewelry box with her ring. I wish she would have left it on top of her dresser where I had left it so I could just put it back on. Watching the movie "fireproof" did not help me move on either. I have not started the "Love dares" yet but I am reading the book. I feel a change coming over me. I feel patience running through me. Not in just my R but in my life in general. I had some problems with my son today after school. He was supposed to be home at a certain time to start his homework before his mom got home and he was not. He left a defiant note questioning me about my request. Instead of my usual. YOU WILL DO THIS I AM YOU FATHER... attitude. I walked over to where he was and talked to him on our walk back. I asked him what I should do. I asked him what we could agree on. And if he did not do this, what should he thinks the repercussions should be. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?
Thanks Sara and Rob and Saffie, I so want to start back on the path to a new R. I don't want to fix the old Marriage. That one died. Maybe I will start my "Love dares" on V day...
Take care Doc
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
