I locked my first thread but I still feel like a Newcomer so I guess I'll stay here. Now I need to learn how to link my thread. Can someone teach me how? Talk to me like I'm 4!
When I have more time I'll recap my nearly 2 year sitch. Until then, the latest news is ..........nothing. Exactly 3 weeks after my H's angry email saying he would "check with his L first thing Monday" (January 12) about my Counterclaim that he says he didn't know anything about, he has not contacted me. I guess he's not in such a rush afterall?! And believe it or not, I have not initiated contact since SEPTEMBER 16. We have not even SEEN each other since AUGUST 27. I think this is called going dark to the extreme.
So Part II - The Fertile Void, a Gestalt therapist term used in the book How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together by Susan Page:
Quote:
"Now you have done all you can, and you need to let nature take its course. While you are waiting, you have to be willing to live temporarily in the realm of uncertainty. Your confusion and lack of resolution may be disturbing and difficult, but you have to be willing to live with this uneasy feeling for a while. Learning to tolerate the discomfort of the unresolved is the only way to move to new levels of knowledge and awareness. Don't push the universe for an answer to your polarized problem, your power struggle. Relax, and let the answer come to you in its own time. Even if you are in a hurry for an answer, assume this attitude. Don't worry, the answer will arrive by the time you need it."
I'm trying!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
I remember a person in my church that was married for like 9 years, divorced for 2, then remarried for like 17 years.
I have reached a place in my life where I have realized that the MINIMUM for me is probably divorce. I have to wait a long time for W to crash, and then, MAYBE she'll re-discover herself.
- OR -
She remarries, and we never talk again.
But getting to that acceptance point is crucial and key, and I'm almost there. My W is kind of the same way: reactionary like your H. She routinely threatens divorce, then abruptly said she wanted a dissolution (my guess is the very public affair probably gave her L pause for thought) :).
I gave her two weeks, and then asked her where the dissolution paperwork was, and she said, "it's taking time".
She wouldn't respond to my requests, then I threatened divorce, and she very quickly responded.
Take it easy, memorize that quote, and repeat it to yourself every day.
{{{{Silver}}}} Glad you started a new thread and WOW that quote is AMAZINGLY great..HARD but amazingly great and I think you are doing a GREAT job of getting thru this uncertainty!!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Silver loved the quote -- will borrow it for another site I go to.
You have been so strong and going dark helps. It helps preserve what love you still have for the WAS. If I kept interacting with my H I know I would have hated him by now. Detaching was difficult but now I wait.
Do not want to go through this D but I have no choice and need to take baby steps every day.
take care.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I didn't realize you had a new thread until now. Sorry you're still in limbo. You're showing great patience, much more than I think I'd ever have in me.
Don't worry, we'll all wait for the answer with you. Keep up the good work!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
A little movement from H - he came by today when I was at work and took some of his clothes. He also removed a pile of stuff that's been sitting in the corner of the back room - "his room" - 2 old computer monitors we haven't used for years, a keyboard, and some random tech stuff.
It's not unusual for him to come by once a week. He's been taking care of his salt water aquarium like this ever since he left. He's also been taking my trash to the dump. But he's never removed anything until today. And, I'm sorry to say, when I saw what he had done I burst into tears. Completely unexpected, haven't cried for weeks, maybe even a month. A rush of pain and loss returned that was just like the very day he left.
So now I'm going over numerous questions like, what the F is he doing now? Does he think he can start systematically removing his things until, until what? Does he realize we're not even close to D? Is he going to get a job in the OW's state and just leave, D or not? Is he trying to make a statement?
My counterclaim says that I have possession of the house until something is settled and it also states that I'm "entitled to a Restraining Order" to keep him from "transferring, secreting, depleting, encumbering, damaging, or disposing of any assets during the pendency of this action."
I'm tempted to change the locks but..... then I'd have to take care of that damn fish tank, plus I really don't want to start a War of the Roses battle.
On the other hand, I do not want to come home every Wednesday now to find more of his belongings gone and then spend the rest of the night crying. So much for getting stronger.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
Oh man {{{Silver}}} That does just get you doesn't it?? I walked downstairs the other night and saw that hub had boxed up a bunch of his stuff and I was like WHAT the heck..that was the night he told me his apt was ready this weekend..I'm so sad that you have to go thru this..my first thought was change the locks..but you are right..pick your battles eh?
I hope you are doing better!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I've had many dreams about H but never about OW until last night:
I was in the house I grew up in and H was there with OW. Many of her family members were there too - aunts, uncles, grandparents, parents - all sitting around the dining room table. H and I were on the sofa and I said to him "Why did you have to bring all these people into our lives?" Then he gets up and they all follow him out the front door, OW follows last and I very aggressively push her back and say "Oh no, you're not going anywhere, I need to talk with you. I take her face between both my hands and start saying over and over again - HE'S MARRIED! HE'S MARRIED! HE'S MARRIED! and with that I woke up.
I've always heard it's not the story of the dream it's the feeling you have after the dream. Well, I'm not a violent person but pushing her and grabbing her head and trying to scream some sense into her felt really good! She also felt little and insignificant and I woke up feeling powerful.
So because of that dream and most definitely this board I've had a very powerful feeling V Day. I also bought a dozen red roses for myself. Next time H comes over he will see them on the coffee table right when he opens the door. Maybe, just maybe a faint little click will go off in his head.
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
