I don't feel like I'm busting anything. I feel like I've been busted! I don't know how much longer I can hang on because I need a lot more in order to stay positive and FEEL positive.
There aren't any psyciatrists that support my mission. There are very few people that support what I believe. Every once in a while, the one person I hope to encourage me would rather I give up. My one friend has distanced a little from me, and his patience has waned. My church feels sorry for me.
This is the worst I've felt in a very long time. There has to be something else I can do so I can feel better while I go through this process.
I can only work so much. My stress level is unbelievable. My body aches, I could sleep forever, and I'm having trouble losing the weight I've gained over the past two years. I feel like a huge blob. I hate myself, and I hate my life.
I wish I never married A because maybe I would have never felt this pain. Meanwhile, he is happy, and I am miserable. I wish I never met him.
My dreams are even awful. It is very rare that I dream good things about A and me. Most of the time, I am feeling ugly in my dreams and A is ignoring me. In my dreams, he doesn't give me the time of day. In my dreams, he is beautiful and I'm ugly; his life is great and mine is struggling. That is how I feel when I'm awake, too.
