I said that he was the spiritual friend she ended up in bed with so that's a little hard to believe. And she replied that he was letting her go and there was no sex involved, they only talk sometimes on the phone.
I told her I had trouble believing her since she has had affairs and they all start out with 'friends'. Her response was that I did the same thing. I said that I never violated my wedding vows and had an affair. She said that I lied to her and ran off with 'a bottle'.
I said that it's not the same as running to another person and violate my wedding vows and she said that it doesn't matter, it was still leaving the marriage for something else. In her opinion they are equivalent.
She said that she had to leave and go through that whole 'dating' thing to realize that it was a mistake to 'get involved with someone' when she hadn't gotten rid of her current relationship. She said "that's my pattern though, and it's wrong". So now she's not getting involved with anyone until we get through 'our' financial difficulties and stabilize our family emotionally. And until she is divorced.
First of all and IMO most important, you shouldnt have even noticed she had her purse with her and you sure as hell shouldnt have asked her anything about it. I mean jesus Frank do we need to tape a big asss sign to her front and back that says Pandoras box?
You see Frank, this conversation should have never even occurred. There's a huge difference between setting your boundaries and rubbing one's face in it. You laid your boundaries, she hasn't broken them, yet you keep talking.
Again I get back to what I have been saying, you really really need to get into the "my marriage is over" frame of mind because I can tell you that I wouldn't have any of these conversations even if God forbid we had to be roomies for a while. You know why I wouldn't have these convos???? Because they are fricken pointless and have absolutely no value to add to my life.
Maybe you need to get in a business mindset and look at your communication with her as an investment, like the stock market. You would not invest in anything unless you saw dividends and profit right? There is absolutely nothing good that could have happened for you with any of these conversations.
I hope you understand that Jack and 25 are not getting frustrated just because your not perfect. That is not the point. The point is that you yes maam them to death and say you understand that this is about you and only you. Then you go off the beaten path over and over again. If my kid touched a hot oven I would tell them no. Then the next time I would probably raise my voice and explain what harm comes from touching the hot stove. The next time it happens I basically look at them like they are retarded and figure the only way they will learn is by burning the crap out of themselves.
So.... How many times do you need to get burnt before you learn Frank?????? At some point people are going to stop trying to warn you about the consequences and instead laugh as you writhe in pain with an "I told you so" look about them.
Be civil with her for your kids Frank, have those goofy conversations about dinner and such. Anything beyond what she is going to help with at the house or what is needed for the kids is absolutely non value added at this point. Idle chit chat is fine... No conversations about any R stuff or OM unless she violates the boundary that you laid down and even at that point you may want to check here for whether she did or not.
