Saffie, 25, you did bring up good points and so did you all.
I doubt counseling is any answer. The only reason she mentioned it is b/c she believes 100% that she is right and I am wrong. The counseling is to *fix* me, not her or our interaction concerning the kids. Her mind is closed. The counseling is to point out what a low-life s-bag I am as a father. It is to confirm her opinion of me, nothing more.
Yes, I could sit there calmly and state my case, but it will do nothing but making her defensive. You see, her entire emotional state of mind is wrapped up with the kids. It is what broke up our marriage. If that is threathened, she is nothing. She will defend that to her last breath.
She will never admit to *super mom*. She cannot. She will never admit it may be hurting the kids. It is okay in her mind to use the kids against me. After all, I have no RIGHT to be their dad and I should go away - just like so many dads did for her other divorced friends.
So it is her problem, not mine.
I did contact two of my Better Men. They both said essentially the same thing. "What do YOU want Jeff?" "Not what you think is "best" for the kids or what is best to keep the peace with ExW." Or what is best to ease any guilt I may have.
"What do YOU want Jeff?"
If I do what is best for me, the kids will be fine. Do I want to give up 1/2 my Sunday? Do I want my son enrolled in baseball?
Those are my decisions. If she doesn't like, too bad. The kids are going to have to live their lives in split households - that is the reality of the matter. Period. End of story. She is more than welcome to take them on her days. On my weekends, I should do whatever I feel is best with them. And they will feel safe and secure and okay.
Agree with her that it is unfortunate the kids won't have continuity - however, there is no need for me to defend my decision nor have to justify my private time with them.
And they both agreed it was wrong for her to sign them up against my wishes and our settlement agreement. But they cautioned me not to let my little boy react.
React as a Man should.
Express my feeling but don't defend them. Be assertive in enforcing my boundaries; don't let her be disrepectful. Protect my time with my kids. Don't let her take me out of the equation. Lead. Stay cool.
