Hi, welcome to our community even though it is under these circumstances. I will get right to the point and say that I think you certainly have a WAW and if she is not in a PA with the neighbor then she is in a very deep EA with him and has a fantasy that they will live happily ever after.
If she was drinking and leaving the baby in the garage while she was hanging out with him.......and if you have anyone that could testify to that, then I think she is the one that needs to be concerned about who gets custody. I don't know the laws in your state but it doesn't sound like something a Judge would think too highly of a mother doing. You mentioned rumors in the neighborhood, so I bet some of the women around have been watching what has been going on. Don't know if they could prove she left the baby in the garage, but they may be able to tell you some other things you don't know about if you could talk to them. They might not want to get involved, guess it depends on how well you know them, etc.
In the meantime, I would not worry as much about DBing as I would getting custody of my child if I were in your shoes. I think I would pull any plug I could to prove that she has not been the mother she should be. I know she can say you were unfaithful, etc. first, but it is not like her being in charge of the welfare of her child and instead indulging in the EA. You said she did this even while you were home? Did you keep the little girl while she was over at the OM's or did she take the baby with her?
I am also wondering why you allowed this to continue. Didn't you know what was going on? Did you feel that you had no right to say anything b/c of your own A?
There is always hope. There have been M's that was in as bad of condition as this and managed to work out. However, it will take a long time and much, much patient and work. The first thing that has to stop is her EA with the OM and she doesn't want to stop that. You may have to go through with the divorce and give her time to hit rock bottom with the OM before she will come back around. Sometimes, that is what has to happen. I hope not, but she sure sounds determined.......and almost like she could flip out if pushed very hard. Have you noticed that her personality changed overnight as soon as her dad passed away? She probably needed counseling and chose to to this instead.
Well, keep coming back to post as often as you can. You can go to other people's threads and post to them to help build up your support group. I'll check back with you.
Take care, Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
