Don't pretend to miss my point. Re-read your old posts Frankd. You'll see that you've said almost these exact things before. Long ago. And over and over.... ( j )
I didn't miss your point. I HAVE stayed stuck in this cycle of self abuse and not making changes I need to make. My friends have TRIED to tell me what to do but I haven't DONE what needs to be done. I have continued to analyze, be needy and victimize myself.
For the past two days I have been changing that. Like I said, with the exception of todays single discussion I have been very pleasant to be around.
What was I supposed to do? Jack says "what are you going to do when she invites OM to your house for dinner?" and I see her doing a behavior that reminds me of her 'usual' affair behavior? Not say anything to her?
Man, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
So, here's my observation:
I believe W missed her family, which includes me. She recognizes on her own that running away to someone else wasn't the best choice for her or her family and stated "but that's what I do". She really misses being 'homemaker' and 'mom' for the girls.
She doesn't want to be married to me because she has no trust and the feelings are no longer there. She doesn't want to 'give up' her friendship with Michael but knows there can be no more physical relationship. So she's got some stuff to deal with. I realize she isn't going to stop talking to Michael because she spent a lot of time with him as some kind of friend.
She knows I don't trust her and for whatever reason she wants to change that. She's trying to be friendly and talk to me as if I am a friend. This morning she talked a lot about her personal issues in her business and I listened and validated.
Overall, I am being a pretty decent guy to live with.
I GET that she is in some in between emotional place and I GET that I am the 'Head of the Household' and I have been stuck in a cycle of low self esteem and obsessing over painful events. I need to step up to the plate EMOTIONALLY, not just FINANCIALLY.
I'm forgiving the past, working on 'today' and recognizing that STBX is trying her best to make things work in this household in a positive way. She still wants a divorce but she knows she needs to actually help out during the financial crisis.
I appreciate that and I have told her 'thank you' and 'I appreciate what you are doing' when she shops, cleans, picks up the girls and makes dinner for everyone. I'm genuine and she reacts like she isn't sure what to say.
So, you're all right, I need to stop questioning the 'why is she...' and instead being grateful for the help. Ok, so no more why. Only faith, love and hope for my life.
I have had two days of a mixture of stress and positiveness. I JUST finished a really hard part of one of my big projects and I feel like a great load is lifted off my shoulders. No, I'm not 'over it', I'm pushing the negative thoughts and feelings out of my head and looking at the positives instead.
STBX is sincere in what she says. Over the next few months I will work on being more of a friend so that we can be better co-parents. I won't question 'why this' or 'why that'. It just is.
I've done this before, 3 years ago, and I can do it again. But I'm not even TRYING to 'reconcile'. Truthfully, I just don't think I want to.
