I made it to the roundhouse; now which way?

[Amy M]

((((((LE))))))...so, I'm having this incredibly crappy day, and I log on to see that I got a visit on my thread from you!!!!! I have to say, that brightened my mood more than you know. I've missed you!

I hate that the exchange is still so difficult and that it's still so hard to see the XW. I was hoping that would get easier. I do know that you have to forgive her...not for her...but for you. And, I also know now that forgiveness is not something you do once, but something you must do over and over and over again. It has to be a habit. Each time you get mad, you have to go through the process again. I forgive H at least once a day...today...at least 3 times. It's not easy any time, but, it's necessary. And, the only way I know to do it is to give all the anger and frustration to God. He will take it from you every single time you offer it up. He's not told me "No, keep it." yet!

I also know that your XW wants things to be friendly so she can tell herself..."See, that wasn't so bad. We'll be friends for the sake of the kids." That's what I believe my H thinks. He's always said we should be "friends." But, I also believe that she would understand if you could just tell her that you can't be friends now. And, that forgiving her and being her friend are no where near the same thing. I think she should respect your feelings and not try to "share" so much of her life with you. I think you should ask her not to do that. Just let her know that the exchanges would be so much nicer if she didn't try to make conversation with you right now. That maybe one day you'll be able to do that, but that you certainly aren't there yet. Can you email her that?

I hope that everything else in your life is going well. I'm sure my employer would love for me to "throw myself into my work" as my next stage of therapy. But, I don't know that it will happen...not this week anyway.

I'm so glad to hear from you. Thanks for your kind words. They really did come at a great time!

Keep your chin up and keep being the great dad you are! It's bound to get better, right?

Hugs and love to you!!!

Amy