Ok just got back from the book store. Got NMMNG and The Joy of Sensual Massage. Decided to go with "Joy" since it is illustrated and does not have photos of actual couples, which might be a turn off for W.
DQ your post about the marathons and your deep connection is wonderful and I am overjoyed for you. I am so glad that you have found your way back to one another.
===================== WARNING RANT MODE ON:
It made me think I will never get anywhere near this type of connection though. I want this connection... but she doesn't. It is really depressing me, I hate to say it. I had a sinking feeling in my heart knowing that it can never be like the way I truly dream of with her. I have said many times that for me this is not about sex or "instant gratification" as W has bluntly put it before. I married so I could connect with one person on a very deep level and she wants nothing to do with it.
Here I am hoping for a nice afternoon of connection with my W and all I will get is about 30 minutes (if that) of her tolerating me touching her. I know that this is a rotten attitude but in my heart I know it is the truth, she tolerates me and nothing more. Is there any hope for us at all?
God knows I want to be a positive influence in her life, I want that connection with her. It hurts so much to want this so badly and never even scratch the surface.
It's just the way I'm feeling at this moment.
END OF RANT ===========
I will do my very best to be assertive, light hearted and fun as I spend my day with W tomorrow. She did agree to a day with me and I know she does love me. We do have fun together when we don't let all of the other stuff get in our way.
I'll start reading NMMNG right away. No Study needed on massage, we'll just look at that a try things together.
