I am so grateful for you XXXX. I say that with the upmost sincerity. I am right now in the midst of so many financial problems. My H made quiet a few blunders and our savings is at 0$. My internet will be shut off soon if I don't pay. We are a few truck payments behind. We are so broke it isn't even funny. I cant order Sushi on a whim like a DIVA~ * had to add some humor* * My H is actually the diva, I am too cheap to do this. I would cringe when he ordered Sushi to eat in.*
Lots of other stuff I wont bore you with.
And yet ?
I feel blessed. I am finally feeling alive. Like I am living. I would not trade this for the world. And I love that it is not high or low. These few short weeks after my Christmas from H&ll? I have learned and grown so much. ( XXXXXXX was right about that. I can be an emotional Human Being . It is not a bad thing. I was just so full of bad/old/sad/hurt emotions .
I know my H and I have turned a corner. I also know that I won't go back. MY IGNORANCE was not bliss~ It was a living h&ll. Every post I read I would cry? No longer.
His journey may or may not be with me... nothing is set in stone.
He did say the other day he would trade everything he had and owned to be happy with me , to share his life with me. And that I am the most beautiful Woman he has ever met. Just words but it meant so much to me. ( he rarely gets "Hallmark " on me... he doesnt want me to get a big head... )
I have to keep trusting that he will grow. I have to keep letting go .... I have no control , never did and I don't want to.
Thanks XXX.. Really ... I am living with courage now. I can do this. and I am no longer stuck on trying.
Courage~
The ability to do something that frightens one... Strength in the face of pain or grief.... * found the definition on my kids Apple Laptop*
I know I did work too Lil. But thanks . My Family needs me, My girls are going to benefit from this and my Son too. I am also seeing how this is transforming who I can be with my kids. And who they will be even more. I always taught my kids to love , respect and be strong. I need to work more on the inner strength part and that it isn't selfish to be strong. I am now working extra hard with my S9. He is on his way to be a NMMNG.... he is too sweet like me. From you posting back to XXXXX about Byron Katie. So much has changed for me. Something told me to look her up? I still have yet to get her other books. I will and yet I am still amazed at how fast you can end suffering with her "work" Yes I am officially a GRANOLA EATING HIPPIE CHIC AND PROUD OF IT.
