M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
It is my sincere belief that your H really does love you with a deep and abiding love. The kind of love that is strong and durable and can carry you through a lifetime. You seem to think that the "bells and whistles" kind of love is bigger than the deep love, but I don't think that is the case at all. Don't get into the trap of doing what your H did by thinking that way. In thinking that way, and telling your H that, doesn't that potentially solidify his thoughts that the "in love" feeling is more important??
And, I was also thinking, what does it matter if he is home with you because he feels it is his responsibility to be there? That speaks for his character. But, more importantly, if that's what it takes to keep him around and see the changes you've made and what a terrific woman you are, then that is a good thing. Time is on your side!
I really think your H is having a lot of feelings that he has no idea how to handle, and if I were you, I would encourage him to go to IC. He needs to be able to talk to someone who can help him sort through these feelings, but be impartial, and not hurt by what he has to say.
It seems very clear to me that you and your H love each other very much, but you are both in pain and searching for a way to end that pain in each other, and that just leaves you in the exhausting never-ending circle you find yourselves in. It's up to you to step off the merry-go-round and do something different.
Your H needs the help of a sincere, non-judgemental ear to work through his stuff.......if you can't be that then do what you can to lovingly encourage him to look for that with a professional (so he doesn't go looking for that support and validation in other less appropriate places!).
And please believe me, I am NOT criticizing you at all! I understand how you feel and I know you have handled your sitch much better than I have my own on so many levels!! You are not wrong for your hurt and difficulty in the face of your pain. But if it ain't working for ya', do something different!
Hang in there!!!
[[[[[[[[[[sandycar]]]]]]]]]]
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
(((Hugs)))