Now I have to go get the tissues and sit in the bathroom until my eyes are no longer red!!
Jimbo...you hit the nail on the head though. I am hurting. I am trying to deal with things. Right now, I hope he rots in hell. He isn't trying to work on himself. He is out there with his new woman playing house and putting OUR kids in 2nd place next to her fat @$$ and her kids. Am I suffering? YES. Are my kids suffering? YES. Why should he be able to just pick himself up and enjoy life again?
It isn't as easy as everyone seems to think. I'm not the type of girl that can get out there and meet people, get to know them and date. I am very shy when it comes to that. (ok, so no one believes that but it is true) I use my personality to over compensate what I lack in self esteem. Dating as a teenager was hard enough. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now.
Oh he is paying all right. I am far from financially stable but I am better off than him. He shot himself in the foot when we did the settlement papers. He gave me everything. I get the house but at what cost? Struggling to make ends meet. He thinks he did me a favor. Sell? Out of the question. The market sucks right now and I wouldn't get much for it. Besides, our papers state if I sell within the next 4 years I have to share the profit. No thank you. I will eat bread and water for the next 4 years to pay the mortgage before I do that. 4 year and 1 month and maybe then it will go up for sale.
Child support..he is paying more than he had to but again, he came up with the number. He was thinking too much with what is in his pants than his brain and wanted things done quickly so he came up with the number. On top of this, he pays the girls health insurance and 50% of what it doesn't cover. He has to pay for 50% of anything the girls need for school (books, papers, clothes, etc) I was told all of this goes along with the child support but I figured if he wanted it bad enough, he would agree.
It is written that he pays child support until the girls are out of school...not turn 18. So, if they go to college...HAHA on him, he still pays me this amount.
I get his life insurance...he is worth more to me dead than alive right now. Not that I would wish him any harm. Well, maybe a little harm but I don't want him dead.
I love it when he complains he is $300 in the hole every month. I struggled the last 4 years while he was out going to NY with his OW, going on vacations to the beach just about every weekend. He spent all his money and now let him suffer. Good for him.
Ok, so you see where my mind is right now. I cover all of this up good and try to pretend to be happy go lucky all the time. I suppose I could get an A for acting.
He thinks he can give me money and it makes everything ok. He thinks we can remain best of friends throughout all of this. What really freaks me out is he trys to talk to me about his OW. I don't want to hear that. It hurts that he found someone and is out there enjoying life when I have to be the responsible one and raise the kids.
At times I feel selfish because I want to be the one out having a good time and not having to deal with the girls. I feel bad when I get that way. My kids come first and always will but damn it, I need some fun too. That Saturday we all got together, I wanted it to last forever. That was the most fun I have had in a long time.
Being on the computer with all of you is my fun. I have been a homebody for so long, I don't have many "close" friends to do things with. It was always me, Kevin and the girls. We did everything together. The girls are getting older and one day it will just be me and that scares the crap out of me.
I'm sorry for hijacking trapt but I feel so much better getting this out. The tears are coming just as fast as I am typing. The anger is pouring out of me. I can feel it coming out of my pores. I am starting to feel light again.
Jimbo, I don't feel less loveable. I feel less wanted. I feel like no one wants me. Who wants an old lady with kids. I have had men tell me no one looks for divorced moms. How do you think that makes me feel? I hate rejection now. I fear rejection.
Thank you for sharing all of that with me (us). It made me open my eyes some.
Trapt, thank you for letting me vent here. I wlll now hand your thread back over to you.
Now onto some fun stuff (maybe we should stick to rated G) _________________________
