Separated and moving forward

[25yearsmlc]

HD,

wow...nice post. If I were ever to date again, for whatever reason, and assuming I'd healed from h's death or a divorce, etc etc...here is what I HOPE would be my 'dating factors'

I would not introduce new man into my kids' lives until I was 75% sure it was worth introducing and that would mean I actually thought I could love the man and that he could be a fixture in my life and theirs. (A MC advised this so I can't say it all comes from my brilliance, but it resonated with me. He said a lot of parents
"over introduce" their kids to too many prospective partners and it's hard b/c they get attached and lost again, or hurt, or worse, learn to form crappy R's and trust no one long term.)

THEN I'd introduce them easing them into the R"s slowly, on occasions and with lots of alone time with the kids and me, and if my children had any, ANY valid reasons for not connecting with the guy, he'd be out the door. I say "valid" meaning if I knew they weren't objecting to the new guy to manipulate a reconciliation, for instance. Otherwise I think kids are pretty intuitive and want to see US happy.

IOW, they'd have some veto power. For me, [b]one reason to have a man in MY life is because I think it's important to have a man in my KID'S lives....so, if he can't relate to my kids lovingly, he is missing a key ingredient and that's it. I never understood a woman I know who praised her 2nd H a lot but then added, "except he hates my kids..." and I flipped. WTH??? "Hates your kids"??? How is he so great then??? Oh, he makes a lot of money and is good to HER...and I said "being good to a woman with children partly means being good to the children..." and she seemed chagrined. Yes, they divorced.

Anyhow, I was very moved by your post. Protect your boys. Where is your s11's mom now? Sorry I don't know your whole sitch.

(( j ))