The last few times he has asked for help he said to me, "You are selling all of this stuff and rolling in the money so you can help."
Well, I never told him how much money I have made, the fees that go into this, the supplies, etc. which does eat into your profit.
I wish I had the guts to tell him he should try and get a job. He does nothing except watch tv and "run errands." What run errands means, I have no clue.
I will just keep my mouth closed and watch him sink but he will probably try and bring us down too but he won't.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
MG, do you have any knowledge of what your H's total debt is? putting everything on charge has to be adding up fast.
I am much in the same spot as you regarding money and should I or shouldn't help with my H's financial responsibilties. I try not to get bitter about the fact that he has all this debt and why he has it and the single biggest thing is his mismanagement of his finances. It wasn't that long ago that H was living it up with his money while I struggled to pay my monthly bills. It caught up with him and he is in big trouble. The biggest thing that holds me back from jumping in to help him is that I have not seen any change in his financial behavior to correct his problem. If H got a bail out, he would be right back in the same spot because he has not changed how he deals with bills and money.
Just as your H is in a world of financial hurt, he has not changed a thing about how he should be dealing with it. Let him harp on you but I think then there is nothing wrong with you suggesting he should get off his butt and be a productive member of the world again. How long does his unemployment income last? I am also sorry that he talked you into quitting your job. Even a small income is better than no income unless you're qualifying for financial assistance. You have probably said this already but does your H know how much $$ it takes to run the house? ((MG))
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Well, when he gave me his credit card statements to shred in August when he lost his job, there were several that showed he paid her rent on his credit card. I had a fit. He claimed that she paid him back but if she did, it never showed up on the next statement that he paid it back.
He has no access to his unemployment money as he let me have the debit card and gave me complete control over it. I use it to pay the utilities and insurance.
The house payment--this is what he uses his credit card for and probably groceries, the water bill and whatever else he has going on over there with ow.
No, he has no clue how much it takes to feed kids and clothe them, etc. He has a little idea but not when you do it each week as I have.
About my job--I was making about $58 per week before taxes. Not much at all, really.
His unemployment will not run out for several months but it is not enough to make the house payment. He feels that since we live here, we can contribute. Okay, I realize this is true BUT it gets me because he is supposed to be the head of the household and provide for his family. So much for that. I am being creative in doing this or at least I like to think I am. What I am doing now gives me lots of flexibility and with a car that is not reliable, it is best for me this way.
S18's hours got cut again. He does contribute as well.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Since money is an issue I would put it in black and white what it takes to run your household as well as what income there is to offset the expenses. I would guess you are going in the hole every month. Let H see the dilema. It doesn't mean he will do anything different but it does show the situation without dispute. Your H is 'awake' enough to get the facts.
There is a lot in the news in the last week about how much it costs to raise a child. Be thankful you don't have 6 at home and 8 more joining the party!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Since money is an issue I would put it in black and white what it takes to run your household as well as what income there is to offset the expenses. I would guess you are going in the hole every month. Let H see the dilema. It doesn't mean he will do anything different but it does show the situation without dispute. Your H is 'awake' enough to get the facts.
There is a lot in the news in the last week about how much it costs to raise a child. Be thankful you don't have 6 at home and 8 more joining the party!
I am not going in the hole each month but he is. It amazes me that someone with such a responsibility will not do a thing about making money. OW has a computer from what he has told me. You would think he would do something-heck, sell things on ebay for goodness sakes.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Your H is a tough nut to crack! I find it really a bit off that he wants you to contribute more money. He really should be looking for a job.
Good luck with selling your stuff. At least you can look after yourself and the kids.
Take care. (((HUGS)))
Yes, I can look after myself and the kids. The car is running a lot worse. I know it needs new spark plugs (a $400 job for this car). And it has to pass our strict emissions next month. NOt looking forward to any of it.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
MWG, New spark plugs will cost $400? Maybe you have an automotive situation I'm not familiar with, or maybe this is just my ignorance about car engines, but I have replaced spark plugs in my car all by myself--it's not terribly difficult--and spark plugs are not very expensive. I dunno, $10 each? (It's been a while since I had to buy any.) With a $1.00 gadget to gap them, if you have a 4-cylinder car, it would be under $50.00, I would think (unless spark plugs got a lot more expensive than I remember). What kind of car do you have? Maybe someone with more knowledge about automotive repair can weigh in here.
Isn't it fun doing creative financing to make sure you can still eat and live under a roof?
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
In my car, you have to put it up on that thing and they have to do it from underneath. The newer cars are more complex. Yes, sparks for this car are very expensive. In my h's '94 car, it is easy but not my 2000 car.
Believe me, everything on the newer cars is a minimum of 400-500 in repairs.
Mine is a 6 cylinder Le Sabre. Everything is a pain to do and due to the computer stuff, it makes it even worse as you have to almost always take it somewhere.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Hmmm...okay. It is a while since I had to deal with spark plugs on any of my cars, I will admit. And I know the computer stuff complicates everything. I did stop changing my own oil because I got tired of dealing with the claustrophobia--I didn't have to put the car up on ramps, but when I crawled under it, the bottom of the engine was touching my chest, so it was only a couple of inches from my nose, and I didn't want to deal with that any more. So now I pay JiffyLube to do it, and it's well worth the relief of the hassle. If it were going to be $400, though, I think I would reconsider.
Hope you get something figured out that will take care of the problem!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
