Climbing out of the swamp

[25yearsmlc]

Frankd

(sigh) You are sooo overthinking and over analyzing, right after you say you won't. Just be here now. That is enough.

Second, you are still going over crap from the M and what is the point of it all? You will NOT get a "verdict" on this. At least not in this life. There is no point in trying to see the M history the same way, and fyi I now believe that is impossible.

For my M and the reconciling we are doing, I cannot go back over H's transgressions for a host of reasons. But ONE reason is that he won't see things the same way I do so it really is a waste of time and energy that could be better spent elsewhere. What matters in reconciling, and if NO recon is happening I'd argue this matters in moving forward anyway, is how you will relate to each other from now on.

Going forward, all we know is you two are the parents of some lovely young girls/women. Be there for them as best you can, and seriously, end the contest over who was the worst spouse. It truly does not matter anymore. If cooperation and a common purpose lead to a decent R, then maybe a friendship can exist but without all the analysis and baggage. Let it go. The "worst spouse" contest, and the attempt at seeing your m history the same way, is incredibly counter-productive, futile, and negative. Make sense?
Just try to co-parent for now.
(( J ))