Years ago I attended a wonderful workshop and there was a father and 24 y/o son there. The dad had done the workshop already so he was sort of a "team" person and his son was like me, a participant. The dad was a recovering alcoholic and newly M to a woman and they had a 2 y/o son, aside from the older boy.
At some point the 24 y/o son said, "Dad, you are this great guy now and everyone likes you. But I recall the years of the drinking when you and mom were M, and now you are all better. So "I feel like mom and me got all the crappy times, we were your 'practice' family..." and now "x" (the 2 y/o) and New W get the "new and improved you" and how that sucked.
The dad was deeply moved and cried. It was all so true and real. In some ways, IF the WAS does get better, truly, they often have to move on to new places b/c the lbser moved on too. So the lbser sees the changes and thinks, wth? Why'd I get the crappy "practice years" and now OP gets the good ones???
But the other thing is that most WASs, in my opinion don't change into what the LBSer wants or needs. They just fear it. Like "if only I had waited longer" or done something diff. If the WAS does change, it's probably b/c the lbser did NOT wait.
In the story told here, the dad had hit rock botton a decade earlier. THEN he got better and THEN he met a new woman and THEN he had a kid and was a good dad. But the 24 y/o got to see his dad as he had become, a good strong man, and that has to be better than never seeing it.
( j )
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
