SO GREAT that you get to use your experience to help someone else!! Hate that you had to go through any of it-- but so glad.
You are awesome T. Gave me ideas. I only work with guys - young ones at that and all married. They are the best "big brothers" any girl could ask for!! Serious if xh ever decided to show up and show his meanness...well lets just say they would "have my back."
You have encouraged me here to get out and do more. Just need to find the "place" to do things. I am going to have to be very "purposeful" in the coming months....all part of the healing and moving on.
Have a great day! thinkin' about you always.
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
The church that I attend has so many activities for members. I just completed a financial peace class that has taught me how to better manage my money.
I have also joined a bible study class.
I have met so many wonderful people doing this.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Just wanted to say thanks for your post on my thread, you sound good, I tend to have the same kind of social life you do ...it's good to find time for yourself, well done ! xx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
We attended a large church and had never gotten plugged in. I/we were plugged in to other areas of ministry - and one of my closest friends was part of that - but many of those people were married.
Been searching for the right fit for me. Financial Peace University is an AWESOME program!! (was it Dave Ramsey?) I think I have found a fit recently - it is truly a place where my daughter likes and she feels like it is a fit..and with teen years fast approaching I want her involved in a youth group.
The problem with where i live is there are TONS of fantastic churches..all gospel preaching. I have been very very spoiled with teh preaching and music ministry at my church that we had attended. But the bigger problem is the size of churches here. The one I went to I think had over 4000 members. There is a great new church here geared towards younger kids (and only been goign for about 3 years) they are over 5000 now. The church that d12 likes is small and just getting going.... i just have some fear baggage keeping me back. It is funny really...both my s20 and myself are going through the SAME thing.. Trying to find our fit...knowing what we want for and end result and HAVING to step out and trust God -- strange but funny.
I've done lots of bible studies with women - just again they were are all married and I dont fit in a singles class. BUT I am beginning to see God's proding and different hopeful ideas (this is the first time in the past 2 years that i have seen any glimmers!!)
You encourage me young lady!!! More than you know!
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Cagz, We have no choice but to move on. They gave us no choice. We were abandoned against our will. Like some of our Ml'er were. I plan to come out of this feeling better, looking better, acting better. He may have left, but he is going to wish he hadn't once he sees me. He is so perplexed as to why I am doing as well as I am. He can't understand it. I did not crumble when he left. I am emotionally stronger than ever. I hope I continue this way.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Well, here is the thing. Sure there are MLC stories--lots of them--where there are regrets.
But there might not be. They might wind up perfectly happy and never regretting their actions.
We have to consider that. Trusting, you heard regrets. I've heard nothing.
Yes, but if revenge is what you want, then recall the saying that "Success is the best revenge..." and that means your happiness. It's the only thing you have control over anyhow. Besides, waiting for them to "get it" is a colossal waste of your time, and our lives have a finite unknowable amount of time in them, for tomorrow is promised to no one. Don't spend it negatively wishing crap or painful realizations from them. You could easily become bitter and thereby miss out on the love that is still out there.
Plus regardless of what you may or may not hear someday, who knows what they think or feel? Lord knows they may never share it with anyone, let alone you. Why? Shame, fear of what you'd say, or a pointless feeling perhaps. (?) So, make it all about you and GAL, and your pma, etc. Then you will have reaped what you sowed...
make sense? ( j )
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I thought that very thing today T. the thought of being forced to move on. And I like you want to continue in the postive ways that my OWN self is moving towards.
The wierdest thing for both of us is when they REALLY DO see us. All of it both the physical and the emotional. When the new habits of not exploding being emotional sound..all of that ...when they begin to believe the changes that are deep inside of us that we did FOR OURSELVES.
What will they think then? Who knows.... and who knows if we will get to know. BUT at that same time we will be at a different place. (or so I hope)
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
Years ago I attended a wonderful workshop and there was a father and 24 y/o son there. The dad had done the workshop already so he was sort of a "team" person and his son was like me, a participant. The dad was a recovering alcoholic and newly M to a woman and they had a 2 y/o son, aside from the older boy.
At some point the 24 y/o son said, "Dad, you are this great guy now and everyone likes you. But I recall the years of the drinking when you and mom were M, and now you are all better. So "I feel like mom and me got all the crappy times, we were your 'practice' family..." and now "x" (the 2 y/o) and New W get the "new and improved you" and how that sucked.
The dad was deeply moved and cried. It was all so true and real. In some ways, IF the WAS does get better, truly, they often have to move on to new places b/c the lbser moved on too. So the lbser sees the changes and thinks, wth? Why'd I get the crappy "practice years" and now OP gets the good ones???
But the other thing is that most WASs, in my opinion don't change into what the LBSer wants or needs. They just fear it. Like "if only I had waited longer" or done something diff. If the WAS does change, it's probably b/c the lbser did NOT wait.
In the story told here, the dad had hit rock botton a decade earlier. THEN he got better and THEN he met a new woman and THEN he had a kid and was a good dad. But the 24 y/o got to see his dad as he had become, a good strong man, and that has to be better than never seeing it.
( j )
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
