I noticed that STBX carried her purse with her when she took some trash out to the curb. She used to do that to make sure I didn't see her cell phone calls.
So, it bothered me. And since I have nothing to lose by being honest about my feelings I told her what I saw and how I have no interest in looking at her cell phone or cell logs.
She said she had nothing to hide and that she wasn't carrying her purse around to hide her cellphone from me. In fact she thought she didn't really have it but may have and just forgot.
I told her that I just wanted to clear the air over this and left the room.
A few minutes later she came to my office and said she just wanted to be clear that she is no longer going to lie and hide things from me. That OM is still her friend and they sometimes talk on the phone because he is part of her spiritual network of friends.
I said that he was the spiritual friend she ended up in bed with so that's a little hard to believe. And she replied that he was letting her go and there was no sex involved, they only talk sometimes on the phone.
I told her I had trouble believing her since she has had affairs and they all start out with 'friends'. Her response was that I did the same thing. I said that I never violated my wedding vows and had an affair. She said that I lied to her and ran off with 'a bottle'.
I said that it's not the same as running to another person and violate my wedding vows and she said that it doesn't matter, it was still leaving the marriage for something else. In her opinion they are equivalent.
She said that she had to leave and go through that whole 'dating' thing to realize that it was a mistake to 'get involved with someone' when she hadn't gotten rid of her current relationship. She said "that's my pattern though, and it's wrong". So now she's not getting involved with anyone until we get through 'our' financial difficulties and stabilize our family emotionally. And until she is divorced.
She said "You'll just have to see what I'm doing until you start to trust me again".
She seemed serious when she said all this. She seems to think that you can just tell a guy "we'll just be friends" after what she's done and it'll all be ok.
I told her that it's hard to believe her but I will try to trust her. She said she is trying to learn to believe me also.
