Aud, and Matilda, My W is very angry and hurt about the dance last night. I was suppressing anger about her recent sleeping elsewhere behavior this past weekend, and it came out on the dance floor.
She wants an apology from me. I told her that I'm sorry how the dance turned out. She wants me on my knees begging for forgiveness.
I confronted her about her sleeping elsewhere, about her calls in the middle of the night saying she's not coming home because she's to tired to drive. She acted as if it were irrelevant, and justified.
She's now talking about a D, and says that last night was the final straw.
I do realize that the failure of intimacy on my part has led to this place, but she needs to understand that after months of sleeping elsewhere, I can't simply turn trust back on. I don't understand how she expects me to want get close to her after she tells me how I've failed, or disappointed her. She wants me to meet her expectations under any circumstance--regardless of how she treats me.
The dog and I are now in the guest room. Our Valentine's dinner is to be cancelled.
The game plan remains the same--goodwill, compassion, gratitude, and openness. I'll meet with the IC on 2/13.
I do wish her happiness. It seems important for her to be in relation to someone. I hope she finds someone she can be compatable with.
I'll likely stay single for awhile and cultivate my interests and friendships, and enjoy peace and freedom.
It's not over till it's over, but it's looking like we're headed for D, and a return to the sleeping elsewhere phase.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
