H was a no show all weekend, claimed he had the flu--stomach and sore throat.
Seems he is doing this more and more--saying he is sick or does not show up or waits until the last minute to say his stomach is bothering him.
Is it my imagination or does it seem like he is drifting further and further from us and yet, asking us for money-from his account (unemployment or asking me to contribute more and more which I cannot--I have mouths to feed, we have gas to put in the car, bills I take care of).
I know I sound selfish but I cannot do all of these things.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
of course he is, pleading for that tether that will keep him from crashing. here a rope...oops it wasnt hitched down .....byyyeeeeeeee. its gotta be.
I discovered an email H wrote to his sister a few months befor e he came home..." it seems as if the walls are closing in on me"
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
M, He's starting to fall down into the barrel and hitting bottom isn't that far off. He's struggling and he doesn't know how to get back to where he feels safe in his cocoon. I'm w/N2M on this one. The walls are starting to close in on him. You cannot bail him out of this one. He needs to hit bottom all by himself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The $$$ given to him are from his unemployment account. No, I cannot help him and I did at Christmas. I used all of my gift money to help pay the house payment. Now I wish I would not have done that.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I wish I could see that he is nearing the bottom or see things that you all see but I don't. I guess when you are too close to a situation, it is much harder to see what's in front of you.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
M, He is struggling. The car is his only possession and that's why he won't let you have it for any length of time. It's the last thread to his past. It's unfortunate that he can't see the light of day yet, but he will in time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks, Snodderly for always shedding light on this rollercoaster.
Darn--this is the longest journey many of us have ever been on. I can't stand it but for some reason we are to go thru it.
He will be over tomorrow for sure as it is D16's bday. When he said he would be here for her birthday, I just responded that we were glad he would be here to help her celebrate.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Hi MWG, I think your H could keep this up for quite along time-sorry and maybe by helping him out at Christmas you were in fact not helping his bottoming out as you call it, but I understand why you did it. It is a shame tho that the people who gave gifts to you, to help you, actually ending up helping your h stay in limbo land. Sink or swim he has to do this alone. You have to help you and your family keep afloat. This relationship is all giving and at the end you are no nearer to him being your husband. So for now do what you have to do for you. You have to do this. Don't give him any inkling of how well your on line is doing he will only take it from you. Maybe this is tough love but it is your only option if you are ever going to live a peaceful and happy life.
