My worst fears confirmed! Wife having EA/PA...

[25yearsmlc]

sorry for triple hijack Jeff, but purple, what does that mean? I went to the link and it was locked too! "Bumped thread" means ? I'm not so great at this btw....

( j )

[Vdad]

Purple,

Its all good!

Jeff

[Purple]

Heh...i just meant that I went and posted on my current thread (looking through Purple coloured Glasses #3) to 'bump' it back up near the top of the Newcomers board

[25yearsmlc]

Got it P. So jeff, back to YOU...how are you today?

( j )

[Vdad]

25,

Well mixed bag actually. Getting ready to move out into my own place. She will be staying in the home for the next 90 days or so until our Chapt 13 plan is confirmed. I actually feel good/bad about the sitch. It will be a relief to be away from all of the drama and R talks. I will be able to really start DBing at that point.

Went on anti-depressants today. trying to even myself out a bit.
The depression was probably a BIG player in the start of my EA and docs feel it has been there on and off for years. We'll see.

She has agreed to mc AFTER I move out. Not sure if me asking her to do that is good or bad. She really is just agreeing to my request. Not sure if that sets up a good scenario. Thoughts on this would be nice.

Asked her where she was at with OM. She says everyday the pull diminishes. No more phone calls or texts. She does the occaisional flyby of his MS page but doesn't linger. She had taken hime off as a friend and then put him back on. No idea what that is about. I told her she was hanging on.

So overall it's day by day. I have moments where I am very sad and others wheree I am doing ok.

This all seems so surreal, like a bad dream I am going to wake up from. Yet I don't.

I have decided to give the separation 6 months once I am out and at that point if she hasn't changed how she feels after the space I will probably file for divorce and move on. If a reconcile happens after that it would be God's will but I don't want to sit there month after month waiting and being financially tied to her.

I am letting her go in a sense now, I have to start the detachment process and see where she goes with it. At this point I have no idea what will happen so I need to let it go and GAL!

Jeff

[Mellenmack]

I really wish you weren't moving out. I understand WHY you are. But I still feel like if she wants the sep, the SHE needs to move out. I know you say it is good for you, too, but still.

I do think she is hanging on to OM. I don't feel good about that one.

Good luck.

Melissa

[Vdad]

Mel,

I wish I weren't too. But she is giving me no option. She refuses to move forward together in the same house at this point. She seems very intent on living her own life for a time until she can process all of this. She will live in the house until the BK completes and the stay on the home is lifted. 6-90 days.

She tells me that if we don't separate she will file for divorce so I don't know what choice I have. I would rather go out now and secure something that works for me now than wait for the foreclosure to comlete and hope there is something decent out there. The house feels horrible to me and I need to get a fresh start on my own terms. Plus the house I am secureing is big enough for all of us if we can piece things back together. So there is some thought to all of this.

Not sure about OM. I agree about the hanging on. That is out of my hands now. I have to become the better option. SHe needs to see me like she did when she fell in love. Don't see how that is possible in the current sitch.

I hate all of this but I have to think differntly for myself and my boys now. She will have to work through this on her own. I am there for her where I can be but I intend to detach as soon as I am out. If she takes up with OM or someone else that will be her decision. I can only DB and be patient now.

Tough times ahead thats for sure.

Jeff

[InLikeFlynn]

Can she survive financially with 4 kids after the BK?

[Vdad]

In,

If she gets a job, which she will have to. Lives on a tight budget, and of course gets some help from me (which I will do for a period of time-unless court ordered). Yes she probably can.

She has NEVER had to do this before. She will really have to grow through this. It will definitley limit her ability to MS all day and she will have to reenter the "real world". She has never had to completely take care of herself, except for the Army, but that doesn't count becasue they take care of your basic needs and there weren't children involved.

So, we will see...

Jeff