Gee BBA, I did feel something earlier this month. Never knew it was vibes from up north
Things are still great. I am in a great frame of mind it almost hurts. The job is better - same really but my outlook is better. And I am getting things done. Four more pounds on my diet and I will be at my better weight.
All in all good.
Attended another basketball game for S11. Former W there again. She was pleasant. Talked about her job with me again at length. I listened. I helped her carry in the snacks for the team after the game. She teared up some later - maybe b/c I was not the a-hole she thinks I am.
I thought things were going good with her until today.
A few weeks back she emailed me wanting to enroll the kids in Sunday School. She said "S11 asked me to ask you" if okay she took the kids on my weekends too. Makes me the bad guy if I say no. Seems kids are "embarassed" about missing every other week. She always said divorce was best, but now my kids are in shame?
I had stopped going to church at the latter stages of the divorce so I thought it would be good for the kids until I found my own church again. So I said okay - only a "few' hrs on Sunday morning said she.
Well the few hours start at 0900 and after school there is church, and after church there is chit-chat, and then she puts the KIDS on the phone so they can ask me if they can lunch with mom. How can I say no? Former W will not ask - just like she said "S11 asked me to ask you", making me the bad guy. So a "few" hrs go from 9:00 to almost 2:00. She steals half my day with the kids. Of course, it is not about her says she.
I let that pass for now but a few days back she emails about signing S11 up for baseball. Again I got the "S11 asked me to ask you" in so many words. Well, I am not crazy about the ball program here, my son could care less - it is a social event for him, nothing more - and I would lose half my Saturday too along with practice on the limited days I get them during the week.
So I said we will pass on baseball. I don't want to deny my son sports but there are other options and I feel time with dad is important. I get them less than 40% as it is and she never gives up any time.
She emails today saying she signed them up anyway. She says "this is a bigger issue than baseball and I see it growing as time goes by" referring to the fact that if I do not agree with her 100% where the kids are concerned I am being a bad parent. She even recommended we attend family counseling!
I was going to fire back an email but I am using the 48 hour before responding rule I learned here.
This is a boundary plain and simple. Our settlement agreement prohibits signing the kids up for things on the other parent's time. It also forbids denying the other parent time with the kids. So, I will call her on it.
I will also say to her that it seems to me she is trying to take the kids on my time and that "THAT is the bigger issue than baseball and I see THIS growing as time goes by".
Her whole life continues to be the kids. She is even willing to change jobs so she does not have to travel. Not healthy all around. I cannot stop that, but I can be the father and roll model my kids need.
But now she misses the kids so much she is using outside activites to try to be with them. At my expense. She even called frantically last Friday insisting it was her weekend with the kids. It was the fifth Friday of the month and we alternate those months (I get the first and third weekends each month and every other fifth). I had to calmly explain that last time in Oct it was her time - now it was mine. She hung up the phone.
Maybe I am wrong here? But where does it stop? Does she sign them up for everything in sight and I have no time one-on-one with my kids?
I want to do what is best for the kids, and me. There are many alternatives here for the kids. But to use them to "ask me" is wrong. Placing them in the middle is wrong. Placing me in the position of bad guy is wrong. I really feel she is manipulating this for her own selfish lonely reasons.
