Hey girl I wasn't trying to discourage you! Sorry if I did. I just meant that you ought to re-read what he said about just listening to him (or his emails) and not picking them apart and debating them...
That is where you can get ahead next time, if/when he shares with you, try to just look at what he is saying and how he is feeling about things. The big goal when I went to Retrouvaille was to seek to understand the feelings of the other person. In fact when we 'dialogued' we were not allowed to challenge what the other person said or put our spin on it. Our job was to kind of repeat back to the other person what they had just shared with us, and to ask them if we understood what they meant.
So for example on the boring part, you might say, "So what I heard you saying is that you are not doing anything exciting on this trip so if you don't have something interesting to share with me, I should not take it personally, do I understand what you were saying?" or something like that.
Some times it is easy, sometimes it is hard. Like when I said to my h, "So what you are saying is that you do love me and always will, but at this point you are extremely uncomfortable around me and cannot live with me?" I did not like that he felt that way, I did not understand HOW he could feel that way when in my eyes I have tried to do all and be all he could want.
I had the option of saying "Seriously, after all I have done and tried to do, and after all you have done to ME, YOU are uncomfortable with ME? Seriously?" But instead I said, "If you feel uncomfortable around me and don't know how to let go of resentments, then at this point I can see how you wouldn't want to live with me." Didn't mean I agreed or thought it was fair, but it meant I was listening to him. Sometimes they just want to be heard, like we do...
