Sorry for the slight hijack. My L told me that I will have alimony for 6 years for our 19 years of marriage unless I remarry or cohabitate for 30+ days. The thing that sucks is he can do whatever, no penalties for him cohabitating!
Ok back to the regular line of discussion! kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey Steve.....I want to add tha clause to my D papers as well. Thing is I have been told that it really doesnt hold water. What recourse did your L say you would have if she did break it? And how did you get her to agree to the "losing alimony if she cohabitates"? My L told me that cohabitation does not make alimony go away. Just curious. Glad to see that someone new can rock your world a bit. Kudos to you!
Don't know how much water it will hold, but she has pulled the "read the papers/gonna call the lawyer" at least a few times. As for the losing alimoney on cohabitation, even her lawyer told her that there was no reason in trying to fight that one. L said that for 20+ year marriages the "alimoney for life" was more doable. She has 8 years. First 2 at 100% then it graduates down from there. The 8th year she gets 10% of the original amount.
As for the losing alimoney on cohabitation, even her lawyer told her that there was no reason in trying to fight that one. L said that for 20+ year marriages the "alimoney for life" was more doable. She has 8 years. First 2 at 100% then it graduates down from there. The 8th year she gets 10% of the original amount.
That is one of those things that varies from state to state. I was married 21 years and got alimony for life, same amount. But it ends if I remarry or cohabitate for more than one year, that is state law here.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
LIFE IS GREAT! I thought I was cruisin before but now things are superb! Yeah, pretty shallow I know, but the lady I met on my birthday is certainly panning out and making me a serious happy camper!
Now, I have dated quite a few women since my Sep/Div but I was never able to find one that I truly connected with. Well, just when I thought I was probably at the height of my... what do I call it, negativity maybe. I had truly resigned myself to thinking that I wasn't able to "connect" with someone because of something that was wrong with me. I was good with it, figured it would pass in time. Then, in one night... boom!
I'm not talking thoughts of marriage or anything even close to that, but at least I now have some reassurance that there ARE people out there that I can connect with, and that they can be the type of people that I want to connect with.
Anyway, long story short, I'm cruisin the same road Mike is and enjoying it. It's nice to be reminded that life is good!
steve thanks for your support on my thread good to see there is life after D Happy that you are enjoying your life and connecting in another R I have learned so much from this nightmare--really feel confident that next time around it will be better and better than anything I could have created with my STBX peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
No sweat Peace! That is what we are here for. The people on this site are truly remarkable and this has always been the place where I can find comfort, advice, and wisdom. No doubt I would have been in a world of hurt were it not for people here!
Yeah, if nothing else it is MOST DEFINITELY a learning process, huh?!? Crap, not one I would ever wish on anybody else but we have to climb the mountains the Good Lord puts in front of us. I think the most important thing I gained from this experience that will help me in future relationships is the whole GAL/PMA thing. I now KNOW who I am, what I am about, and I'm not willing to set that aside ever again for someone else. Bottom line is that if we can be happy with ourselves then we can be in happy relationships as long as we seek out others who are the same!
All is still good but just wanted to journal a bit about a moment from this last weekend. If nothing else, to remind myself I am doing good!
On Friday night I was out with my new "friend". We were at a local pub with a group. There was a good local band playing. I rode out a "double whammy" that would have ruined my night just a few months ago.
The place was crowded and the group I was with had a big table in the heart of the place. At some point I happen to catch a guy looking at me. He smiled, and then "nodded" a hello. After a few seconds I realized it was the guy my X "dated" during the last months of our sep. He is from my hometown and is a scraggly looking punk. Sorry, I know his background and he truly is. Looking at him, and who he was with, then looking at my new "friend" beside me, was all the reminder I needed that what my X went through that led up to our D had nothing to do with me. I am by no means a cocky guy, but this dude isn't even close to me in looks or nature. He wouldn't stand a chance at even speaking to someone like my "friend".
Event number happened within moments of that. My "friend" went to the bathroom with one of the other women and came back to tell me that "we were making waves" (relatively small town we live in). One of her old friends (woman) stopped her, asked her if she was with me, then told her that I was a "great guy". She pointed her out and I had absolutely no clue who she was. Later, the "old friend" came over for an intro and I asked her how she knew me. She said that she was "sort of" friends with my X. Within a few minutes, the three other women that the "old friend" was with came over to our table to join in. They were all carrying on, asking if I was really Christine's X, and pretty much saying that I should have divorced her years ago. I just smiled and nodded when appropriate, I didn't want the convo to go on any longer than it needed to.
Throughout my Sep and even after the D I always tried to flow pretty low under the radar because I didn't like encounters like this. I want to be my own guy, not the X of my X-wife!
Both were fogotten soon after they happened... Which is a GREAT thing!
I thought I was cruisin before but now things are superb! Yeah, pretty shallow I know, but the lady I met on my birthday is certainly panning out and making me a serious happy camper!
All is still good but just wanted to journal a bit about a moment from this last weekend. If nothing else, to remind myself I am doing good!