My S is here and we are having a blast. W was out of town past several days with OM. Strangely that didn't bother me as much as I thought. Detaching does work wonder...!!! I think I did something on Friday night that is against DBing guideline. I brought up the R talk with W.
I was telling her that S is doing better here and he seems to be happier with me. I also told her that I can provide him a more stable environment to grow up. Surprisingly she actually agrees with me. One thing lead to another, we are talking about our R/M. I even told her ILYBNILWY which is true. Isn't this crazy? She told me this just several months ago. I told her that I got it now. I have to let her go. I told her that I know she is in a tough/lost place in her life. I understand that she needs time to sort things out. I even told her that we all make mistakes in life, but I will not let my mistakes define who I am and so as she. I think she feels relief. Since she agrees S is better staying with me, I even suggest to her that she can come back and stay while she is sorting out her issues/problems. She said she may do this, but who knows. It doesn't matter anyway. If she decides to come back, I will just treat her as a housemate. I just want to give her a chance to find herself again.
Not sure what's going to happen next, but the good thing is my S is staying with me because I am the better parent at this very moment. I am pretty sure W will come around and be equal or better suited parent later.
Another random and long post.....oh well.
Stay busy and focus on myself and S.....
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
Still waters run so very deep. I am so glad that you were able to have that conversation with your W. It sounds like you are in a very peaceful and grounded state and that the conversation flowed from that place.
It is fantastic that your son will be staying with you. You must be thrilled about that.
There must be something in the water, NW, I told my H the same thinh, that I will always love him and he will always be family to me, but that I am no longer in love with him and that I was letting him go. It brought such an incredible state of peace to me. I hope that is the same for you; it sounds as though it is.
Glad you're back.
V.
p.s. Sticking with V. She is part of me, always has been. I think I'll keep her around to remind me to keep the focus on Beth.
NW, Something in the water indeed... It seems like you have made a major breakthrough in terms of putting your needs and the needs of your son first - and I am so happy to see that in you.
You're a good man, NW, and your son will only benefit from having you as his father. Little by little, the world improves as we work toward becoming better fathers - no matter what the obstacles set in front of us.
Just stopping by to show my support. Keep on DBing, you are an inspiration to many here.
SF
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
I took a break from the board because there are things that I need to sort out. I guess I just need some down time. My S is here now and I am loving every minute of it. On the other hand, it also brings me some sadness that I haven't have for while. Just like last night, S and I are chatting with W through the web cam, W got pretty upset toward the end and my heart just sank. I wished she could be here with us. I even ask her to come home, but I don't think she will. She feels too stressful just by being here because the OM is still in the picture.
Then I think about it today, I still spend so much energy on W. I need to channel that energy on myself and S rather than going back to that cheese less tunnel....!! I guess I am still waiting for that 'Wake-up' moment....LOL
Oh well......stay busy and shift the focus on anything but W... One thing for sure, S is keeping me plenty busy and day just goes by so quick....it is a good thing.
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
I am sorry to hear you are having a bit of a downturn, but it had to happen. You are only human and simply cannot be positive all the time. Just know that it is okay to feel down and that feeling down does not mean you are not strong. You have so much courage and dedication.
Plus, having your son with you has probably stirred some desire for the completion of the family and that is so normal. Try not to rush through the feelings, just feel them, process them and move forward, one day at a time.
And know that we are here to cheer you on and offer support.
