WAW - yet another one

[confusedinpa]

Instead of thinking of what can you do to keep her around, concentrate on the things that you say or do (or in this case, don't do) that make her not want to stay.

I cetainly think going with the LRT is the WRONG thing to do. She seems willing to work for it, and she seems to have been asking for something of you, but you're not understanding or hearing the request, maybe the counselor can be the translator and get you to see and hear what she's been asking for and perhaps offer up a reason to her why you didn't get the message?

Dday,

Thanks for the thoughts.

When you said concentrate on the things that make her not want to stay - is this part of the 180? Last Friday we had watched 20/20 on the chemistry of love (ironically, we believe she's a negotiator and I'm a director, who are suppose to be compatable - I took the quiz, but she hasn't yet). We then took the online 5 languages of love quiz and found that our top 3 were shared (Touch, Verbal and Quality Time - ironically Gifts and Service were extremely low of both of us). My problem is that I had thought she preferred Gifts and Service. Boy was I wrong.

Anyway, I've been focusing on Verbal and Quality Time of tell her when she does something I appreciate and how I value her input/thoughts and when we talk, I listen to her "emotions", not just to her content. Touch has been tough as she's said a few times the hugs/kisses has been too much - so I'm still trying to find that balance.

We're going to counseling tonite, but I'm struggling to find a away to talk about her feelings. This Sunday morning, she couldn't sleep so at 5:30 AM we talked about how logically, she things giving it another try is a no brainer, but she is struggling with her heart/emotion. She feels that over the years, her love has been chipped away to the point where it gone. She's not sure if there is anything left nor isn't sure if she wants to plant a new seed as she is having problems looking for love for someone who has caused her so much pain/hurt.

Last session, our first one with the new counselor, we spent a lot of time on what were the things that made me close myself off from her and cause this drift/rift. At the end, the counselor did ask her what she wanted to see and she said that was for me to listen. I presume it wasn't to listen like respond to orders, but to listen with my heart and treat what she says with respect and importance.

Any thoughts on how I can get her to open up to counseling so we can talk about her inner struggles?