Trying to let go........with love!

[sandycay]

Welcome back SC .. I never noticed we have the same initials.

I am glad you had some fun over the weekend. On the H front, all I can say is when I look back from where I am standing right now I can honestly say that I tried to analyze every word or action out of my H's mouth. I agonized over it constantly. I had OCD of the worst sorts.

Here's what I know now.... what a waste of time and energy it was. It didn't matter what he was thinking, saying or doing. Not one iota! It only caused me brain damage. It didn't matter in the long run what I THOUGHT he was THINKING. KWIM! Why bother except I know it's hard to not read into the little things.

This weekend of helping sounds interesting. Don't take the bait on him being pissy about anything. He does that as a defense mechanism. Gussy yourself up and show up with a pink tool belt if that's 180. This is your time to shine and commit to yourself.. even if he tries.... to no relationship talk. No talk about the future. If he starts just validate and try to change the subject. Emotions are sure to by high but I know you can do it!

He may say different things than what he "agreed" to earlier. My H did that.. but that's when you validate.

Example:
Your H says: SC I think I'm going to sell the dream house because of XYZ

SC says: "HHMMM I can see how feel that way. (you might could add "I wish it didn't have to be that way") but then drop it.

because honestly if he chooses D and you have to sell it..it doesnt' matter if you argue the point right now anyway. Don't throw it in his face about him changing his mind. Just let him ramble on about. My H did this often.... along with his woes is me story.... My H was going to be a greeter at Walmart because he didn't make enough money..... he was going to live in his car... he was going to move to Australia and live in a tent.... see where I am going . I could have argued many times and thrown in his face.. that's not what you said but my 180 was to validate what he was feeling....

Your H's not taking action yet and if he does you can't stop or control that but you can control how you respond up until the actions begin. I don't know if that makes sense!