Forgive AND forget?

[WCW]

My H is such a swell guy. Mostly sort of.

Saturday H had to get paperwork in the mail so I offered to do his morning chores. It was a warmer day and I ended up spending the whole day outside except for when I came in to cook us up something to eat late morning. By that time H had his stuff in the mailbox, we ate, I went back out. H stayed inside, and mid afternoon he came to find me and let me know he was leaving. He didn't offer where he was going and I didn't ask.

I kept working on stuff until dark, and got inside just in time to smell the roast burning because all the water boiled off. I am such a good cook! It honestly turned out tasty as I added other stuff to make a burrito sorta roll up thingy.

I took a shower and H came home, didn't offer where he was but mentioned that he saw a friend of ours and talked a bit about that. We ate my wonderful cooking.

Earlier in the day I had asked H if he was interested in getting together with friends that had been asking to get together with us. At first he shook his head no but then said ok. The friends ended up being busy.

Sunday morning we had a planned family breakfast, it turns out to be an event with over 20 people. H has always loved this as much as all the rest of the family. He even made some little stickers to take along and give to the little kids.

Some of the results of conversation during breakfast is that H will be resurrecting a website for my nephew, and my sis needed help switching over to a new internet provider. H offered to help her and because we were already so close to her house we went straight there. I asked about going home for the afternoon to do stuff in the daylight (we had talked about that on the way to breakfast) and coming back later, but we ended up spending the rest of the day there and left during Super Bowl halftime.

This morning H was out early because he has a 'rest test' today at the hospital, the other half of his stress test. H did start my truck for me, and I went to say bye and also ask a question. I told him I am working on a picture project to send the grandkids for Valentines Day, and I wanted to include a picture of all of H's World Champion belt buckles and ribbons. Problem is H hauled them off somewhere a few years ago, so I asked if he would take a picture for me or bring them back so I could take a picture. He got his 'I am uncomfortable talking about this face' but said ok, I'm just not sure which question he said ok too.

When we were talking H's cc debt he offered another reason how it my fault that I put him in such debt. When our beloved Mother Mare fell ill year before last those vet bills got charged to one of H's cc's. It was a big chunk of money and H said he didn't mind but didn't realize that had happened and then didn't pay the total cc bill. Now I partially believe him but I also reminded him that he had told me the $$$$ amount and I paid him that day before the cc bill was even due, and then he went out and bought himself a new camera. H said he didn't use my money to buy his camera. Bottom line is he still wants to blame me for his problems and not own up to his own responsibility. I also told H that quite a while ago I switched the records at the vets office so everything gets billed to me. He looked blank for a while, and then said 'I wondered why I didn't see anything anymore.'

In case you got lost reading all that here's a recap -
- H got paperwork in the mail on time
- H accepted my help
- H and I had friendly conversation
- H agreed to plans together with me
- H said my almost burnt cooking was good
- H inserts himself more into my family
- H was going to help me with ranch stuff but we got diverted
- H is checking into his health
- H talked about cc debt, no admission of total amounts
- H didn't get cranked when I asked about something he took from the home
- I am pushing and stretching H's comfort zone a little piece at a time

I am still in limbo and don't know how this will all turn out, there is so much still wrong but I finally feel like the Grand Canyon gap isn't getting wider between us. I feel like I am glad on the outside that H is being a swell guy to everyone, but on the inside I hurt that he isn't that way to me. Yet.