Here is how Part 2 of the R-talk went on Thursday morning. I never did get back to posting this and some of the things that came up were very important. Again I can't recall all of it but these are the major things that came up and stuck in my mind.
W - It is not attractive at all when you want to talk about this stuff. H - I know it's not attractive, it's uncomfortable. I have to communicate how I am feeling though. With time maybe we will be able to talk without our defenses going up.
W - It hurts me when you masturbate, especially on a morning after we just ML the night before. It makes me feel like I am not good enough for you. H - It's not that at all. For an HD after a night of ML it fires me up, I want more, it makes me horny. The MB is just a release and since I know you do not like ML in the morning, I just take care of myself. (I forgot to tell her that I am fantasizing about what we did the night before, replaying it in my mind, when I'm doing this.)
W - H, when I was 5 months pregnant with D and you told me "I don't want this baby" that was a turning point for me in our M. I feel like you resent D and me for having her. H - I wish I had never said that and I DO NOT feel that way at all. I love D and I am glad that she is part of our life. You know how special she is to the both of us. It just changed everything for us and made me feel like you pushed me away in favor of her.
W - You are doing things behind my back. I don't trust you. You're sharing our problems with other women. H - I have been on a message board with other married people in SSM's. There are guys there too. I am trying to find answers there that will help us. I am not trying to "hook up" with anyone there I'm just looking for support.
I said this a long time ago on this board that I thought I had shot myself in the foot once she saw that I was looking at the DB site. For all I know she is now lurking here and is reading all of this. In a way I wish she would, the only reason I haven't encouraged her to look here is because I know that she would be able figure out that I'm Cinco. She would then read about the A's that we have never talked about.
W - Give me an example of what a perfect day with me would be. Pretend that I had a sex drive like yours H. H - I don't know what to say, can I write an essay and give it to you? (This really took me by surprise, I really didn't know what to say. I think it was fear that if I said something that wouldn't be something she would ever do, it would just turn her off.)
