Thanks everyone for all the wise words and support. I'm going through the thread, taking notes and trying to come up with some goals and plans of action.
Sat with H on Tuesday night and had a long talk about kids and where we began to fall apart (H said kids were where the M started to go downhill, so thought I'd exlpore) Biggest bit of info I got from him is that he is looking forward to living in his apartment so he can bond more with the kids--one on one time. Tried to offer him time with just the kids and activites, that I'd step back and he can do it with them, he said, no, you need to be involved, I can't always make things with work.
Also, that the biggest thing for him is the big, giant empty feeling he has inside him.
Last night he asked me, are we going to sit down with your parents while they are here and talk with them. I said "no", not other explanation, and he just said okay. I don't want to do it. I don't need them at the moment for support, I think it would hurt them deeply and I want to avoid that for as long as I can. When the moving van pulls up and carts off his stuff, then I will tell them.
Working on the Disney trip, no idea if he is going to join me. Heck, I don't even know if he is going to join us next week for our annual trip to the PSU homecoming game next weekend. He is still talking a mid-October move out to the new place.
I think you are doing the right thing by not telling your parents. It is better to wait and present them with a 'fait acompli,' one way or the other. Hopefully, all you will have to eventually tell them is that your H and you had some problems and you've resolved them . If they comment now on something you can always say you are having a slump. All marriages have that.
Quote: Also, that the biggest thing for him is the big, giant empty feeling he has inside him
Your H is depressed. I do not know if clinically depressed, but big empty feelings that last months are called depression. Any chance that he'll get help? Just an idea...
Forget about whether H joins you in the trips or not. You cannot control that, anyway. Make your plans for you and your kids and enjoy!
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I think it sounds like your H is at least willing to sit down and talk with you about the breakdown. That sounds good and like the two of you communicated well Tuesday night.
I'm with Optimist on the depression but I'm thinking you have said before that he won't see anyone about going on medication.
I think it sounds like you made the right decision on your parents.
Mid-October still gives him time to change his mind.
Plan the most fun trips you can for you and the kids, definitely the convertible and maybe he will join you, if not it will be a memorable time for you and the kids.
Take care and hope you have a great weekend.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
And I agree with optomist that your H is suffering from depression. The only thing is that there is absolutely no point in trying to convince him otherwise if he has decided that he is not depressed. It just pushes them away. I tried it with The X and with X SSS GF. They have to figure it out for themselves.
Hang in there. At least your H is willing to talk about what is bothering him which shows that he is still connected to you.
Keep giving your H time and space. Keep listening and validating with doing the no pressure thing. WAS can't seem to handle any extra pressure when they are in alien mode.
And most importantly keep taking care of yourself. This whole DB thing is a test in endurance.
. If they comment now on something you can always say you are having a slump. All marriages have that.