S, I don't want to come off sounding blunt here, but he doesn't want any responsiblity in the relationship w/you. What he has w/the ow isn't/wasn't responsibility. Taking the kids to the lake, doing things w/them is fun, not responsibility. He's not paying their bills, being a father to them or answering to her 24/7. If he paid for things, it's because he was trying to impress her. He knows she can take care of herself.
Also, they like to play the "hero" when in crisis. It could be that he sees these kids w/o a father around and he's trying to impress her in that way. His own childhood may have him questioning the way his father treated him as well. He may be trying to relive his past to figure out what happened along the way in his own life.
He wants nothing to do w/your relationship right now. He wants freedom to do what he wants and when he wants it. What looks one way to you, may be perceived another way to him in crisis. He's going to be the mirror image of the man you knew. There is no rhyme or reason to what he's doing. There's no way to analyze him and come up w/a firm, fixed answer because he doesn't even know why he's doing what he's doing. Everything for him is based on emotions.
Read the threads on the MLC Resources and Archives. We talk a lot about these types of things.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
