So much for doing something for each other every day, a surprise. I'm sure H's reaction surprised you quite a bit but that's obviously not what the MCs had in mind. You did a wonderful job keeping your cool throughout.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
"one C said that it's ones right to find a OP if he/she is not happy in the R."
You should have asked.. When has OP.. ever helped things.
"he said he is afraid he will get fed up with the responsibilities again in the future..."
Cough.. something stuck.. Scared.
Yes.. of you.
not me.
"when there is a gap between 2 people the gap needs to be filled somehow."
Again.. you should have asked.. If I pay another C.. are you still gonna show up. I really like you.. but the other C needs the money.
"I had a rough time because they both seemed to say that what happened was because of my low self confidence and my dependency on H."
Some of that I agree with.. not all of it.. but some of it.
"He looked at them and said "I didnt think it was important, priority"
What he meant to say was... I thought I had all the priority s covered. I have a new "task" that I do not understand.
"K, Sometimes I think you are in fantasy land but then I see you are realistic, down to earth and a survivor."
Let me translate.. K.. sometimes you remind me of my wife.
Then I get confused by your poor English. <-- SARCASM!!!
The first statement was really true!!
Maria.. all I am gonna say.. is you have your work cut out for you. This right here.. what you are doing.. is gonna be really hard. This 7 weeks.. is gonna feel like 7 years.
Best I can tell you.. start using your shell.. like a shield. Put it up when bad things are coming your way. Stand tall with it by your side.. when you can. Remember everything that went into building that shield.. and what it was meant to protect you from.
So.. how are the 1 time a day surprises.. coming from you?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
<< Lol!!! fb2 you are killing me. Fantasy land, moi? because I want time, sweet talks, gifts, smiles, sex, support, appreciation, laughs, verbal sworplay (stole that from lisa) etc etc etc? LOL!!! Yes I am.
You need to stay fully alive at least for 7 more weeks to get all of that! You are about the only one here left on my radar screen. I've had my kids on my apron strings the last 5 weeks straight so not been here much and lots of things seem to be happening. I seem to remember you expecting too much from H in too short a time and then came this army of quacking C's and you got more positive but all fired up with more expectations and finger pointing. So I was trying to caution you to be more realistic. And, yes FG is right you were starting to remind me of one of them WAWs, negativity, absolutes, fantasy, self-righteousness and all. I'm still rooting for you. Good night and good morning.
You guys are asking too much from me. This is the same person you are talking to you've been talking to for a year. The person my H LEFT with our 2 kids and had an affair and was cold and indifferent for at least 6 months before the bomb, going out at nights and coming home at 5 in the morning, telling me all those lovely compliments about what a mean person I am etc.,lying to me... We are seperated since November 2007. And although I do understand me, I dont owe him fro the way he behaved. It was his shortcoming and not mine.
It's me guys, Kalni=Maria. I did not give him up, didnt run away to take a sabatical (I think you call it), didnt stop talking to him or wanting to ML with him, didnt tell him he was ugly, fat, didnt accuse him for everything that went wrong on this earth.
And, after all that, (some may sound serious some not to you, but WERE hurting me TOO much), I gave up a lot to be here and see if my donkey is alive. I gave him the benefit of the doubt so to speak. Because my family is worth it fb2.
Forrest, if he scared by me,then so be it. I wont change to accommodate him. I am loud and passionate and funny and not rational some times and independet and I can change tires and fix my sink and screw (LOL) furniture together till I get blisters on my palms (lol) and be good at my job (most of the times) and loved and can find any info about anything if I want to, and , and, and...
If he is afraid of me, then...the door is open. Enough with me changing to accommodate his weaknesses. I told Bobbi last night it feels strange to change my attitude to "if you cant give it to me fine, I will get it anyway". I 've been thinking if I go into this marriage the way I feel now, in 2 years I will have an affair. How great will that be?
FG, my surprise for yesterday was I didnt kick him out. the day before yesterday I bought him a belt I had noticed he needed. Today, I will call him. K
I would be kissing him at nights, whispering "I miss you please find time this weekend to go away..."
I would get mad and didnt talk to him for weeks because he would cancel a day away...
I would have friends invite us somewhere...
I would cry and tell him I felt lonely, alone and couldnt take it anymore...
I would read him articles, books etc on the importance spending time together....
I would arrange for babysitters to be on stand by every week once. The last two years he never felt like going out until he said "I dont need time with you"...
I would sit and watch football with him until he would fall asleep...
He didnt know? You honestly think he didnt know? I was nothing to him. And sometimes I think I still am. K
and fantasy land.... Who said that Marriage has to be difficult and boring and mean loneliness and needs never met and reentment and frustration.... A few good moments in the middle of all that "are lost", not a reason to go on.... I will NOT go on if that means going thru the same or even slightly better. NO WAY!!!!
We (me & H) have no reason to have a hard life. We are healthy, great kids, have are own apartment (debt free), cars, good jobs (one too many actually). supportive families, good friends..., why should I be unhappy?
You're answering your own questions here K, its obvious.
Time is the most valuable thing you can give a person. Especially kids.
Either he doesnt value you, or what he has got, he cant 'see' it, if thats how you used to be.. trying to negotiate, plead, manouvre, cry etc just to get him to spend a day/weekend with you. I am not surprised you are frustrated. And the most obvious thing is, its seems he hasnt changed!
I was just reading Micheal Lutin and thought of you and came here to check how you were doing. And here you are. And here are his stars for the week...
Whether you believe in guardian angels or not, haven't you already experienced first hand how certain people just happen to show up at the right time to save you from disaster? That's got to have reduced your problems with trusting others. Even when health issues seem to improve miraculously, you still can't quite give up your need to control situations and give the Universe the help you think it needs. What is the spiritual path--to stick with someone or to get out before it's too late?
Ali, I cant understand the stars anymore. I told you what my atrologer told me November 07. Maybe I should look him up again and beg for another reading... K
It was.. is.. and has been a joint effort. This does not change Maria. You both choose different paths to "overcome" the shortcomings you felt. Neither was right.. Neither was wrong.
"Forrest, if he scared by me,then so be it."
This is bordering on being selfish. It is not a fair thing to say. Most likely this is one of the biggest things holding you back.
"I wont change to accommodate him."
I don't want you to change. I want you to see the whole picture.. when you do.. your view of that picture might change. It may not be as pretty.. or it may be more beautiful than before.
"FG, my surprise for yesterday was I didnt kick him out. the day before yesterday I bought him a belt I had noticed he needed. Today, I will call him."
That made me LOL a bit. It's a start.
"He didnt know? You honestly think he didnt know? I was nothing to him. And sometimes I think I still am."
I don't care how much you think you know someone.. chances are they don't see things like you do. You cannot assume that they do. One of the reasons.. I come up with all these crazy ideas.. is mainly to simply point out that someone could see what is going on in that situation... way different than you do. It's like when you have 2 witness to a crime. They might have similar stories.. but 9 times out of 10.. something is going to be glaringly different. That difference may make the crime impossible to solve.
The simple point is 2 people watched the same thing happen.. and had 2 different stories to tell.
"why should I be unhappy?"
Hostile.. you are just hostile.
Let me restate this.. just in case you missed it..
Maria.. all I am gonna say.. is you have your work cut out for you. This right here.. what you are doing.. is gonna be really hard. This 7 weeks.. is gonna feel like 7 years.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
"Shortcoming" I meant him giving up, and taking the closest exit out of our M...
Selfish? Dont you see I was trying to limit myself in so many ways to accomodate his denial to follow? I lowered myself so that he could reach me? I am not perfect, I am not special, but I may still be scary to him because of the way he is, not the way I am...
Hostile? I am not hostile. I am patient lately, thinking before I speak, thinking of ways to act in a positive way for our M.
And I didnt miss it. One year is gone already, thank God!!! K
