So I got two texts from H literally THREE minutes before karate, I was in the car when I got them and he was going to be there at karate, too...
The texts were--
1)Just so you know I am praying and hoping that the work I am doing on this house will turn out to be work we will both get to enjoy the benefits of.
2)I don't know how to do this with out you and am praying for guidance on how to make me and you better and thus our family better. I hope I don't run out of time
We went to supper after karate and then came home to watch the end of the Super Bowl. After kids were in bed we talked very briefly. he said he didn't know how it would work, he hadn't gotten that far into it yet.
He said that this was new, this was different from the back/forth feelings he has had for months now. That this was a new realization he just made today, that he didn't want to do this (life) without me.
I just told him that having two houses and visitation and two bank accounts and all of that had me thinking we were over forever and I was starting to put a wall up the past few weeks. He said he understood why I would and that he had noticed that I was changing...
Anyway I said if he felt differently I hadn't seen/heard it, he said well that is why I texted what I did b/c I wanted you to know that I do want you...
I told him I knew what he meant about running out of time b/c the longer this goes on, the harder it is for me to just be patient and wait, that I am starting to build up that wall to protect myself and not get any hopes up or anything. That I need to be able to live and make plans for my life and not just be 'on hold'. He said he understood all that.
All in all it was short but enlightening. I am sure I spoke too much and will remember that if a talk like this happens again anytime soon. When he said he didn't have a plan in place for how to make us better, I said that I would leave that up to him to show me if he was interested in making that happen. He agreed...
The one thing sticking with me is him saying that this was a new feeling for him, deciding he does want to be with me. He has been saying that for a long time but with the caveat "but I don't know how". Now he is saying he is looking for a way to make it happen.....
When he said he didn't have a plan in place for how to make us better, I said that I would leave that up to him to show me if he was interested in making that happen. He agreed...
