Trying to let go........with love!

[LolaL]

Oh I remember being where you are!!! It is a long, painful journey. You are still relatively new in this. Six months w/ an MLC is a short period of time. I am sorry to have to tell you that.

I would like to share a few things with you that might make things a little easier. It may be difficult to implement, but you will do it in your own time.

The books are great to tell you what actions to take. They are right on point. But the problem with books is although they can tell you the actions you need to take, my belief is that you need to feel them first. Letting go is a lot harder than what books tell you. Unless you feel what you are doing, it won't work.

First things first, stop thinking. It doesn't help and it drives you crazy. Don't expect anything at all. Don't read into anything. Right now, the nicest gesture could mean absolutely nothing. I wracked my brains trying to figure out what my H was thinking, and why he was doing the things he was doing. I learned that all it did was leave me feeling like I was absolutely insane.

The thing is that your H's mind is shot right now. He will try working long hours to avoid having to deal with his personal issues. It will take time, but no matter how many hours he works, it will creep in. I have heard of some H's who call in the middle of the night. I have heard of some who completely break down. Mine starting having nightmares. It will creep in.

The most loving gesture you can do right now, for yourself, and for your H, is to let him go. It is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. You need to focus on life without him. It will make you stronger to deal with the possibility, and if he does decide to come back, it is an added bonus. Waiting for him to "come to his senses" will only drive you crazy. This does not mean you don't love him. It does not mean you have to date, or anything like that. It just means you are tapping into your inner strength and learning that life is possible without your H.

You also have to decide if you have the strength to handle this. You see, he may say ugly things. He may blame you. And then he will fall apart. And you have to stand back and let him do all of this, because this is HIS growing experience. One book I have read states that everyone goes through this type of experience, facing getting older, what life "hasn't" done, but it depends on what kind of emotional state you are in to deal with that. We have all questioned our lives at some point. I have, and realized that I am in a good place. It took me a long time and a lot of hard work, but I got there. So did our spouses, but they are not thinking about what they have, rather what they don't.

Also remember this, there are many spouses who have to watch the person they love go through this on a daily basis because they still live together full time. Trust me, you don't want that. I thank God now (and I never thought i would) that I have been separated for this period of time. The lessons I have personally learned I will take through my entire life, and I have not had to watch my beloved H break down and know there was not a damned thing I could do.

I think most of this is a state of mind. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not Mary F*cking Sunshine all the time. I get angry. I am sad. I miss my H so much some times it threatens the very breath in me. But I also know that my happiness is not dependent on him, it is dependent on me. Once you get there, you will realize life is a whole lot easier.

((((SC))))) Vent. Post. And remember we all know exactly what you are going through.