JD - I love your words -" stop trying to understand their behavior" When he first moved out we had no contact for weeks - I took that attitude and it felt good. I actually did nothing last night. Called today to see where he was and how he was doing and cut off any further talk. See more in my thread.
Going dark means having no contact with your h. It keeps them 'in the dark' as to what you are doing. It also helps you to detach and get on with your own life.
And better than ever. I have been testing some waters the last few days, and uncovered some very revealing information.
I have received a challenge from a non-cyber person. They are challenging me to a month of going dim, and I mean so close to dark as to be almost indistinguishable.
I have to read them every text or relate every call I make to W. I'm allowed to respond to specific questions about the kids with basically yes or no answers, except in the case of a dire emergency. They are coming down on me hard-core - they have followed my situation for months, and are about ready to punch W in the face!
So, this will be good. They have set a goal of one month for NC.
They had a great point, and I think everyone on here should ask themselves this:
"Has everything you've done so far made ANY change toward them coming back? If not, why not try this?"
I couldn't answer that, so I'm taking the challenge.
NC for 4 days, broke it briefly one day, responded to a crises but haven't had contact since. I think we are all on a roll reminding each other of the truth - which is that we are the ones here trying to fix things - and I don't hear that they are doing the same. Question guys? my H has honestly been working hard to change but keeps losing it? could he really not be able to do it? I wonder if men and women see change differently?
Keep up the good work all!!!
HUGS to all who are working soooooo hard and seeing soooo little. You are doing what you must. BEing strong.
H called tonight (you can read what happened on my thread) - I stayed calm, told the truth nicely, listened, and established some goals. No arguing. I didn't give in to going back to things as usual - in fact, I did the 180 - I didn't end things, I didn't revert back. I wanted so badly to do one or the other - but I had been anticipating this call since his accident. He didn't get what he expected, but he didn't reject it either. Progress?
