H just moved out, 13 months post-bomb

[25yearsmlc]

Dawn
Have you seen a L, just to know your rights? I did, even though I am one. I'm not a divorce L nor was I licensed in this state. So I shopped around to meet a L I could connect with and boy, the universe sure sent me in the right direction.

In my sitch, my h is an MD who had a real obesssion/fetish for Alaska. So when I got a referral, I went and met a L who's father was a doctor who had left her mother to live in Alaska, I kid you NOT....(her dad said leaving her mom was the biggest mistake of his life, and he later crashed his plane up there and died...her mother said him leaving her was the best thing that ever happened to her b/c she remarried a great guy and that was 22 years ago...what are the odds?)

So anyhow, she was perfect, and the knowledge she gave me was empowering. To know I was choosing to stay M, not out of fear of financial disaster, but b/c I chose to stay M for at least awhile longer.

And when I finally decided to file for d, SHE talked me into filing for a sep instead, (Had to file something to protect assets due to h's sudden weird spending and to get thru to him) b/c she said "I still think you guys have a chance cuz you still love the guy and he sounds like he loves you....

Thank God. At the time, h was so crazy and believing everything his heroes said up there, he would have mortgaged our house to buy in to the practice up there and that would have ruined us, as it turns out. So while I protected assets and our children's future, I also drew a line. Hey, it did not hurt my sitch in the long run, made ME feel safer, etc and does not lead to a divorce, per se. Besides, seeing a L is not something your h ever has to know about if you don't file.

As I said, I found it empowering. And if its' not, if it IS terrifying b/c legally you might be screwed, better to know now. I do have concerns about the debt your h is running up as it will count as a "mutual" debt if you two are still married. Regardless of how separate the accounts are, check with a L in your state please. He is already affecting your credit score. If I've missed out on your finances or if you've seen a L you trust, then chuck out this post. I just thought I'd mention that seeing a L does not "cause" divorce, and seems like a really good idea in your sitch.

Sometimes it saves M's. And given his recent financial history and your med needs (is your ins from your h's work?) it might be crazy not to.

Hope you are doing well.
( j )