My BFF asked me, why do the DBers keep thinking that this stuff you are doing is about him? She thinks its becuase I have had to make such an effort to change, that I was so sick of being a hermit for years, that its coming across all wrong here. She knows what I have been through and how much it affected me for 18 years and how proud I am for conquering my fears and doing things I never would have. Shes proud of me too. I'm now back to my old self and I am grateful to my ex for leaving me for that reason as I was actually resigned to being that way for life. Now I feel set free and finally able to go places and try new things, that I just feel I want to do more and more, because I missed out on so much all those years.
We're between eclipses and everything is shifting, so it sort of not a coincidence. Yes, I am growing and changing and yes, he is also proably realising the grass isnt greener! But my new life is NOT about him, honestly and its NOT done to impress him. Of course, as this is a DB board and we are supposed to GAL I can see it would seem that way, but it isnt, its ABSOLUTELY for me. I cant stress that enough.
I'm really frustrated with myself over how far behind I am at college and really disapointed at myself for 'failing' at this and I am a bit angry at him for leaving me part way into my course and making a difficult thing harder. And I am tired of making an effort to be 'matey' with him. Getting out of that rowing boat sounds like a great idea. Becuase you are right, contact from him does make my mood bob up and down and I cant help getting some expectations whenever he does! I know, I shouldnt hey!
I'm pretty excited about tommorow..Tang Soo Do..I'll be wearing makeup again, lol. My BFF said she will be as disapointed as me if Good Looking Man (GLM) doesnt show up this week.. she cant wait to hear what happens! I cant wait to do some more flirting and groin grabs.. hehehe...
