I am having a difficult time figuring out what to do at this point. H has said he wants to divorce so that he can start over and make it right with me. At least that is what he has been saying lately.
We have been seperated since August. He just recently moved into town in December. We have ML (two weeks ago) once since he has been back. a week prior to the ML we had been talking on the phone, being flirty to each other etc...then nothing for the 2 weeks. We had one convo after that where he told me he wanted to d in order to start again after d is final. I posted the sitch in my siggy if anyone is interested.
I just don't understand this logic and am not ready to file.
This morning when he picked up s for visitation, he was just nonchalant and tried conversation with me. I just tried to act in the same way. He asked what was wrong with me..I just said I am not sure what he wanted from me. He replied that he just wanted someone to talk to.
I don't know how to just be freinds with him. I don't know how to just have sex and act like there is not any feeling there. I don't know how to just let it all go!
I have applied all the DBing I can with some result. But then there is all of this dead space in between and I begin to wonder if it is all worth the effort.
Sorry to hear about your situation tango. Only advice I can offer is think about what you want. Are you working on "getting a life"? Since separation has been going on for a while you might want to consider "last resort technique" if you have not done so already.
Try something different.
Have you tried using a divorce busting coach, they can be helpful?
Good luck with your situation.
Me: 41 W: 41 Married: 17 years Together: 19 years 16-Sept-2008: "W: I want to move out." 16-Jan-2009: Separated, wife moved out. 31-Mar-2010: W, and kids move back home! D 14 S 12 D 11 S 7
I would tell him that if he wants to start "all over" with you again, that you would need to go to a Retrouville weekend or pro-marriage counselor together. If not, the problems are still going to be there.
Getting a divorce just to start again with the same person is ridiculous. You're not a car that you can just renew the warranty and expect the car to be like brand new.
Sometimes you have to wonder how they come to these conclusions in their heads.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Tango, If your H wants a D to start over why not just set a date to say we are done with the past, and will start a new life and M together? The real question is how does he plan to make the changes needed to make things right? Have him make a plan with you set goals, maybe time lines,envision a different R and how to get there. In a book by DR Phil on MC, he actually recommends this technique on the basis that we all have stuff from the past that gets in the way of trying to work on things. He says to just forgive and move forward like it didn't happen. Don't bring it up again because this is a new R - has no place - just focus on the current issues - both have to be committed to the idea.
I don't know what to say about ML -do you want to? If you it is confusing - talk to him about that - is it the same or has it changed? what would you like to see happen here? Is is bringing you closer together or apart?
