Well something went wrong today. I feel frustrated and impatient with myself, I am still struggling to do what I need to for college, so at this rate I am either going to fail, or I am going to have to leave. This is NOT like me, but I just dont have the heart for it. It feels like a horrible time in my life that I want to leave behind and am already done with, but I cant.. I have to keep going till May and then I am done.

I looked again at his email Friday. I almost expect him to call now that he is being more friendly, his emails are getting longer, more enthusiastic...but he hasnt phoned me for 6 weeks now.

I drafted an email to send, I wrote something friendly and funny, but it feels wrong somehow. I have seen him only twice in 5 months, so I dont understand how he can tell his BMF just over a week ago that he thinks about me all the time he is with her. Does he not want to see me then, if he misses me? I still miss him, there is still that hole in my life. I feel so frustrated that yes, if he doesnt act soon, he will have missed his chance. Its been so long since I've seen him. I'm not sure how to email him tommorow even.