Old Timer posted this in another thread :\ I think that you are ASSuming a whole lot and trying to bury your head in the sand.
You are ASSuming that you know what H got from the book. Your take on the book is probably based a lot on your fears. You have no idea why H wants to talk about it or what he took from it.
H is WANTING to talk. Clearly he is getting something out of C and out of the book. It is HIS process, his path. Are you going to refuse to join him until/unless you are sure that he will see things the way you want him to see them? Say only those things you want him to say?
I'd suggest you try your best to be open and nonjudgmental. Don't hide from truth out of fear. If you don't let him express himself to you, he will no doubt express himself to others.
Intimacy entails honesty and openness. Can you not let him be who he is and let him show you?
Listen. REPORT your reactions, don't criticize or judge. Detach and listen.
As far as justifying leaving if that is what someone wants to do, well, if someone wants to leave they should do so. Love exists in a context of freedom and choice, not in a context of forced obligations and coercion.
And, if you are worried about him reading that he should leave if he wants to leave, I wouldn't. The book won't get him to leave if he doesn't want to. Nor will any book keep him there if he wants to leave. People invariably do what they most want to do on balance.
Don't run. Don't hide. Listen. Detach. Be compassionate. Don't make his discoveries about you. Hear what he is saying about him. Report your own reactions, "I am scared, I am relieved, I am hurt..."
If you want a partner, you won't find one by being there only when he is where you want him to be. _________________________ Best, Oldtimer
Thanks OT~ You are so wise. My H too is /was a heavy drinker . I loved all your advice to her. God bless you. I liked her thread title so I decided to read it this morning. God works in mysterious ways.
