It has been a while since I last posted here, so I want to bring-up some developments.
Recently, my W acknowledged “both out fault” in the M, however there was no word about the OM’s.Regrets for a failed M? Yes. Details about her own share? No. Just an acknowledgment and sorrow. Previous time when she was thinking of getting back together she was really depressed. Same thing now. Nevertheless, the communication was better then and it is better now. I don’t want to make assumptions, but I guess she does not know for sure which way to go on. Long gone are the party times; she is more down to earth.
I don’t bring her guilt up (I did it twice in the past and the results were negative), this is her problem she needs to deal with; it is her struggle. She knows that I know about the OM’s (with #2 it was “only a flirt”) and sooner or later this would need to be addressed if she is willing to rebuild the trust and all the other ingredients for a M.
We’ve both been through therapy following the separation and recently my W said “it looks like your therapist was better”.
One thing that hit her hard recently was the fact our S said he prefers to spend time with me. Another thing that hit her hard is the recession, uncertainty about her job prospects and fear of loosing the home. Those are things she said, nothing else. She is extremely materialistic and a very proud person. I don’t know about the OM’s. She was trying to reconnect with #1, then again with #2.
On a different note, she expressed the desire of spending some extra activities involving our son, together. She is still using “I”, but frequently I hear “we” and about things we did or we did not in the past.
Well, I have been through one opening before, but the OM #1 + toxic influences obliterated the get back together possibility then, so I take with a bit of salt what is currently going on. She can go from an extreme (being cold, upset and spiteful) to another (what a great job you did, what a good idea this was) in a short time.
What I am doing with the info that makes a difference? I only see a change in her however, only fear of being alone, fear of future, frustration for our S’s comments, $, and the occasional “we”. I see she screwed up, she is badly screwed up, and the reality kicks in.
