That made me laugh out loud. I think it's wonderful that you have problems because your mother smothered you with love. Mine did too, and I don't care how much love I need now because of it. It was beautiful in all of its craziness. We are lucky that we didn't have cold mothers.
Did you check out NMMNG yet? Did you look at the website and read the boards? It is so cool how all of these men are helping each other. A lot of them are like Strong&Alive in their tone. Cool.
Does the pain you feel set you off so easy to where all you think Is ? SHE DOESNT LOVE ME?
I know you arent verbally abusive love. But do you get really hurt by trivial things cause you are starving?
Ali, yes it does feel like sometimes she doesn't love me. It does set me off too, very hard to control if it has been a long time since our last time of ML. The trivial stuff hurts then too. The frustration builds up to the point where it only takes something small to set me off.
UPDATE:
Saturday evening we had a nice evening eating out with D, her new BF, W and me. This was the first time we got to talk to him. D and BF decided to go to a coffee shop and listen to live music there after diner. This left W and me alone for a while.
After they had gone I hugged W and asked, "What would you think about going to bed now?" It was about 9pm.
She asked, "Why don't you rephrase that?"
I got the hint, be more assertive. That's when I said, "Let's get go to bed right now, I want to ML to you." With a big smile on my face.
So no TV's, no waiting until wee hours, just to lovers jumping in bed and enjoying each other. It was great!
From now on I WILL be more assertive. That's what she wants.
I am so blessed to have the parents that I have. Even though they split up they always showed respect for one another. My mother is so insightful and such a great influence in my life in a very positive way. I was talking to my sister yesterday and we agreed that she is a touchstone for us, if we are down she always can lift our spirits. She is just such a positive person.
My dad died about a year ago and wasn't a spiritual influence like mom. He was a good man in so many ways though. Just wish they could have stayed together so I would have had more time with him.
Saturday evening we had a nice evening eating out with D, her new BF, W and me. This was the first time we got to talk to him. D and BF decided to go to a coffee shop and listen to live music there after diner. This left W and me alone for a while.
After they had gone I hugged W and asked, "What would you think about going to bed now?" It was about 9pm.
She asked, "Why don't you rephrase that?"
I got the hint, be more assertive. That's when I said, "Let's get go to bed right now, I want to ML to you." With a big smile on my face.
So no TV's, no waiting until wee hours, just to lovers jumping in bed and enjoying each other. It was great!
From now on I WILL be more assertive. That's what she wants.
Here is how Part 2 of the R-talk went on Thursday morning. I never did get back to posting this and some of the things that came up were very important. Again I can't recall all of it but these are the major things that came up and stuck in my mind.
W - It is not attractive at all when you want to talk about this stuff. H - I know it's not attractive, it's uncomfortable. I have to communicate how I am feeling though. With time maybe we will be able to talk without our defenses going up.
W - It hurts me when you masturbate, especially on a morning after we just ML the night before. It makes me feel like I am not good enough for you. H - It's not that at all. For an HD after a night of ML it fires me up, I want more, it makes me horny. The MB is just a release and since I know you do not like ML in the morning, I just take care of myself. (I forgot to tell her that I am fantasizing about what we did the night before, replaying it in my mind, when I'm doing this.)
W - H, when I was 5 months pregnant with D and you told me "I don't want this baby" that was a turning point for me in our M. I feel like you resent D and me for having her. H - I wish I had never said that and I DO NOT feel that way at all. I love D and I am glad that she is part of our life. You know how special she is to the both of us. It just changed everything for us and made me feel like you pushed me away in favor of her.
W - You are doing things behind my back. I don't trust you. You're sharing our problems with other women. H - I have been on a message board with other married people in SSM's. There are guys there too. I am trying to find answers there that will help us. I am not trying to "hook up" with anyone there I'm just looking for support.
I said this a long time ago on this board that I thought I had shot myself in the foot once she saw that I was looking at the DB site. For all I know she is now lurking here and is reading all of this. In a way I wish she would, the only reason I haven't encouraged her to look here is because I know that she would be able figure out that I'm Cinco. She would then read about the A's that we have never talked about.
W - Give me an example of what a perfect day with me would be. Pretend that I had a sex drive like yours H. H - I don't know what to say, can I write an essay and give it to you? (This really took me by surprise, I really didn't know what to say. I think it was fear that if I said something that wouldn't be something she would ever do, it would just turn her off.)
W - Give me an example of what a perfect day with me would be. Pretend that I had a sex drive like yours H. H - I don't know what to say, can I write an essay and give it to you? (This really took me by surprise, I really didn't know what to say. I think it was fear that if I said something that wouldn't be something she would ever do, it would just turn her off.)
Hmm? This is hard , BUT~ My H recently ahd asked me to give him what I call Fantasy Scenarios. For your Wife?
The perfect day.
Dont get tense and dont worry about will this work or offend . What worked for me?
I got into a relaxed state of mind. I put Music on and then just closed my eyes and laid in our bed. * promise it doesnt get X rated you can keep reading*
I then picture in my mind what I would love to do to him, and also what would give me pleasure. I ended up with a beautiful scenario and it was natural something do able and luxurious for us both.
The first "FS" came to me and then 3 more very easily. I then chose the one that would leave us both happy. Guess what? He asked me about the other 3.. He also chose the one I chose as most mutually gratifying. I wont tell you what it is , get your mind relaxed and think of yourself and you will know. I think you give your wants up to much and you think to hard. ( BTDT~) Let it come to you,, dont force it.
Let me know how it goes. I was going to tell you mine but this place is G rated.~ And here I thought I was the girl with the coke glasses on!~! Yeah right.... Love, Ali
Ali, yesterday I mentioned her request for my "fantasy day" and said I'd like to do something Wednesday. It is my birthday Wed and since it is W's day off I suggested that we spend the day together. Maybe start by going and doing something like a walk in the park followed by a quick lunch and coffee. Then come home and... uh... well I haven't come up with that part yet. But I did let her know it would be something sensual.
She did seem open to the idea so I'll come up with something.
All along I have thought part of our troubles have to do the when of our ML. When we ended up only ML late on Sunday night, it was always when we were tired. That's how we ened up in that "hurry up and get this over with so we can go to sleep" mode. If we could just set aside time, make ML important and special again it will make a big difference for us.
If we could just set aside time, make ML important and special again it will make a big difference for us.
*great point*
I agree it is not a priority and it should be. Thanks for that ...
WE always ( most of the time) waited until evening too. *sigh* Then there is also no spontaneity. HMMM?
I am so glad she is willing. Sensual Burthday Gift?
Nothing beats that!~!~
WTG~ Have a great day... Ali
My PMA is good even though hubby is severely depressed today. That for me is PROGRESS!~!~ I used to think I had to mirror his behavior. I felt bad for being happy when he wasnt?!~?
Oh and BTW~ he wants us to move to very Southern Texas. I am considering it but I am a bit apprehensive. Will post that later in my thread.
Cinco: Just thinking. For your "fantasy day," try to make it about HER, not about you, not about getting sex. I know it will be your Birthday, but I think it would be amazing if you made your day about making your woman happy. She would so love that. And, I bet you will have a "happy" day. How can you lose?
Example: What does she love? What if you did something with her that she absolutely loves during the day. Go see something beautiful (museum, nature, animals at the zoo, something she really enjoys) or go get a massage together if that's her thing. Go to her favorite restaurant. Take a walk at her favorite place.
How significant that would be, to make your Birthday about loving your wife.
You can go to your favorite restaurant and do your things any day of the week. Don't feel like you're giving anything up!
