Thanks for all the thought provoking questions and comments.
Acorn, You are very kind. I do need to make a decision and stick to it. I tend to be in the "fixer" and "please" mode a bit too often, need to step back and let him figure it out while I fix me. I'm still debating what is right for me, what I can and can't handle. Though it seems my strength just confuses the hell out of him.
Mockers: As always, great thoughts. I'm definitely letting him do the apartment search on his own, not going to facilitate that, but Optimist has a great point on being his friend. I think I'm going to go frame two pictures we had done in June of the kids for his new apartment. If he doesn't leave, then they will be in frames I like for my house. I am going to let him have free reign, if it starts to make me uncomfortable, then maybe I'll go to boundaries.
Sue, you are right, anger will only drive him away. I need to keep a check on that and my sarcastic thoughts.
Steve, I agree, he is very unhappy, I just don't know about how hopeless it is, how much hope do I hold out to just then dive back into the pit of no hope again?
z--I didn't even realize that I was stopping in the face of negativism, but that is a good point, to stop a conversation cold when it goes there. I was just thinking it was an argument I couldn't win and wasn't going to argue about whether my H loves me or not. I like the idea of staying in the house, have to think aobut that one.
H is actively looking for apartments, he told me that last night. We started to talk about what furniture he is going to take, I told him it was all his, he could have what he wants, I just want the family room stuff. He is planning to take most of the crappy stuff, asking if I thought it would fit in the back of the van. Then he said, IF I move out (my emphasis, not his), I'll take...... and then it was IF I move back in we can get a new bed. So how much hope do I place on the IFs? Of course I'm hopeful he'll say, lets work on this, but I feel like I'm in limbo again, but I have to say I am not walking on eggshells again. I refuse to do that.
We talked a bit more, he starts it, I don't. He said, what are you thinking, be honest. I said, you said IF. He said how can you have so much faith in us? I told him that since the bomb I have had to dig deep down and realized that he was putting work before everything and I was putting the kids before everything and it was burying our love. But that we have seen glimpses of it. He then said, thank you for loving me.
We then went upstairs and did it. No weepiness. I then took the kids out for an errand and when I got back the talking and hugging H was gone and the other personality had appeared. Guilt, regrets, I don't know? I just put the kids to bed and read a book.
He is still planning on going to a hotel for the weekend, won't tell me where. Very odd, I think. Is it to "get back" at me for going off and having fun last weekend? Is it some woman he wants to explore his feelings with? So many questions without answers. I dreamt of him and OW last night.
My parents are coming to visit next Friday for a week, so the cat will have to be out of the bag soon. Decision time.
