Well, I may be a bit unfair to them but i did say I had more to post...
First I asked about the selfish thing. They said that is the way I translated it. They meant self care, not do anything that makes us feel uncomfortable but definitely dont be selfish in the bad way of the meaning.
Then they had said do one thing for the R (wrote it down to the papers they'd given us). I thought it was one thing until we meet again, they said one per day. It wasnt clear so I misunderstood that. Sad thing was H did know about one day per day but STILL didnt do it.
About the OP although the original statement was as I described it when I objected they rephrased a bit but still insisted that it is only natural when there is a gap between 2 people the gap needs to be filled somehow. (I was going shopping he was going...).
I had a rough time because they both seemed to say that what happened was because of my low self confidence and my dependency on H. I dont agree and we discussed this. I did keep my Saturdays free for H but since Sat were the only days we could see each in daylight I didnt do it because I was depending on him, I did it because it was my way to contribute to the R. When I stopped doing that, we collapsed. When I stopped asking for him, for time, for fun with him, we drifted apart and the rest is history...
I asked about time and how can we do this with no time. They asked if H came/visited us when anything happened with the kids. H got all excited and said YES, I AM ALWAYS THERE. I didnt have time to answer. So, they asked him, "how come you cant find time for good things also, for fun, to be with your wife, to surprise her...?" He looked at them and said "I didnt think it was important, priority". And they both asked him if he can see now it was first priority. He nodded.
He will redo the "what am I afraid of regarding Maria ?" exercise and the "what do I want in my R to feel content and happy". I wrote pages and pages, about his needs he said he wanted respect and peace. About fear "he is afraid if something happens to me".
I asked them about expectations. If it is ok to want a relationship with all the things I described and whether I am realistic or not. They both said "what each person wants for his life, is acceptable and that's what he/she should look for, nobody an judge your expectations".
The plan now is for H to bring the exercises, we discuss them and then we take home the other's person paper and really see where our expectations match etc etc. They also want to see what we want in life (H needs to do it) and see if we can find common ground. They said they have come across to couples that the emotion was there but neither one was able to give up on basic goals they had in life or needs and had to separate (like have kids or not, move to the countryside, jobs etc etc).
I know I am a bit confusing but cant really write all that was said. It seems to me they know what they are doing and I trust them. We'll see. 7 weeks to go. K
