Hey there. First I want to say that it was a good move to end the R talk when all he could contribute was negativism. He's showing little hints of his confusion. He holds you to two standards: "Go on without me" and "Don't face the reality of divorce." It may be that he's looking for an inconsistency, some way to justify that you really do want him to go. Stick to your guns... at this point, it isn't important that he understand what your doing, just that you still care about him. You can show him that.
I know from my experience on the moving issue, my H didn't want me to help him find an apartment. I offered and he was horrified. I can't say if things would have been different had I helped, but I walked away from the issue. I didn't go to his apartment or show any other interest until I was invited many months later. I don't think it hurts to ask to help, I just don't know what happens if a WA accepts the help.
I did not help my H move. I took his key away and changed the locks, so that he couldn't avoid me or get wierd ideas about what was his when I wasn't around. He hated it, but it worked for me and I think avoided some arguments over things that might have simply disappeared from the house.
I sat on the computer or cleaned house or watched movies while he packed his stuff. Personally, I think it was important that he pack his things himself, even if I had to stare at it for weeks on end. Occassionally, I had to be actively consult with him or to help him move something heavy. The whole thing was hard to watch. After moving for weeks, he finally announced that he was done... and I knew he had left a lot of important stuff. I packed that stuff up and put it downstairs. When he remembers it, he'll ask for it and I'll have it.
My H and I had lots of arguments that went something like: "You take it." "No you take it." Best arguments to have I suppose. He left a lot of stuff because his new apartment is so small. I decided not to feel guilty, because he can have any of it back if he decides to come home.
Whatever you do, don't take this all personally. Great sex, great times, great kids, great lifestyle are not what the WA is focused on. He's in pain. He's confused. He needs to go and see that the grass is not very green.
I don't have kids, so I don't think I can address your issue about co-parenting. My H asked if he could visit the dogs, which I know is different. I told him he could see them anytime he wanted, just to call before he came over, so I didn't think there was a prowler in the yard. He didn't visit them very often, but the bond over the dogs became a good starting point for good contact between us.
One thing you need to consider is that your H needs a place to have the kids, before he can keep the kids. Once he finds a place, he'll have a better idea of how realistic it is to have them over. If you wanna be sly, offer to let him stay in your house with the kids on his days, while you stay somewhere else. Oh, the memories...
